Tanya Forster Psychologist

Tanya Forster Psychologist Tanya is a Psychologist and the CEO of Macquarie Health Collective

06/09/2026

I think modern parenting has accidentally created another impossible standard:

Always respond correctly.

Stay calm.

Validate.

Co-regulate.

Hold the boundary.

Use the right words.

Don’t yell.

Don’t shame.

Don’t lose your patience.

And yes, understanding how our responses affect children matters.

But parents are human beings.

We have:
bad days.
stress.
work.
sleep deprivation.
our own histories.
our own triggers.
our own nervous systems.

There will be ruptures in our relationships with our children.

The goal isn’t eliminating every rupture.

It’s showing children that relationships can repair.

Repair might sound like:
“I yelled before. I’m sorry.”
“That wasn’t how I wanted to speak to you.”
“You didn’t deserve that.”
“Can we start again?”

And importantly, try to resist:

“I’m sorry I yelled, BUT you weren’t listening...”

That’s not quite repair 😅

Taking responsibility doesn’t undermine our authority.

It models accountability.

It teaches children that adults make mistakes too.

And perhaps most importantly, it teaches:
Something can go wrong between us without threatening our relationship.

So if today wasn’t your finest parenting day...tomorrow isn’t your only opportunity.

You can repair today.

And sometimes that repair becomes one of the most valuable parenting moments of all 💛

My latest blog is up ✨
05/09/2026

My latest blog is up ✨

05/09/2026

We often expect children to use regulation skills in the exact moment they’re least able to access them.

“Take a breath.”

“Use your words.”

“Calm your body.”

These can all be useful skills.

But when a child’s nervous system is completely overwhelmed, they may need us before they need the strategy.

Co-regulation might look like:
💛 fewer words
💛 a slower voice
💛 reducing demands
💛 staying nearby
💛 offering physical comfort if they want it
💛 helping them feel safe while the emotional wave passes

And please remember:

You don’t have to perform perfect calmness.

Parents have nervous systems too.

You will become frustrated.

You’ll sometimes say too much.

You’ll occasionally get pulled into the emotional storm.

What matters isn’t perfection.

It’s noticing.

Regulating ourselves where we can.

And repairing when we don’t.

Self-regulation develops slowly.

And before children can consistently regulate themselves, they need lots of experiences of regulation happening within relationships.

04/09/2026

“How was your day?”

“Good.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing.”

“Who did you play with?”

“I don’t know.”

Sound familiar? 😅

Sometimes we interpret a child’s reluctance to talk as a sign that we need to ask more questions.

But for some children, that creates more pressure.

Connection doesn’t always happen face-to-face.

Some of my favourite conversations with children happen while we’re doing something else.

Drawing.
Playing.
Walking.
Driving.
Building.
Moving.

There’s less pressure to perform.

Less intense eye contact.

And plenty of space for the conversation to wander.

So if you sense something is happening but your child isn’t ready to talk, try:

“You seem a little quiet today. You don’t have to tell me anything, but I’m here if you need me.”

Then create opportunities to simply be together.

Our job isn’t to extract every feeling.

It’s to build the kind of relationship where our children know those feelings are welcome when they’re ready to share them 💛

03/09/2026

“But their teacher says they’re an angel!”

I hear this from parents all the time.

And it can be incredibly confusing.

Why can my child hold it together for six hours at school...
and then lose it because I gave them the wrong coloured cup?

Generally, the cup isn’t really the problem.

It’s simply the final demand placed on a nervous system that’s already worked incredibly hard all day.

This is sometimes described as after-school restraint collapse.

For some children, particularly neurodivergent children, masking may also be part of the picture.

But not every difficult afternoon is masking.

Sometimes children are simply:
hungry.
tired.
overstimulated.
socially depleted.
or completely done with following instructions.

So before adding more demands, think:
What does this child need to recover from their day?

Maybe it’s a snack before conversation.

Movement before homework.

Quiet before questions.

Connection before demands.

There’s no perfect after-school routine.

But understanding that your child may have very little left in their regulatory tank can completely change how we interpret those difficult afternoons 💛

02/09/2026

“They’re not giving you a hard time. They’re having a hard time.”

It’s a reframe I really like.

It helps us move away from:
❌ “They’re being naughty.”
❌ “They’re trying to manipulate me.”
❌ “They’re doing this on purpose.”

And towards curiosity:
💭 “What’s happening underneath this behaviour?”

But responsive parenting doesn’t mean every behaviour is acceptable.

We can understand the emotion and hold the boundary.

We can validate disappointment and say no.

We can understand why a child hit and immediately keep their sibling safe.

We can have compassion for what’s happening underneath behaviour without allowing behaviour that hurts themselves, someone else, or crosses an important family boundary.

Sometimes that sounds like:
“I can see you are feeling really angry. I won’t let you hit.”
“You really don’t want to leave. I get it. We do still have to go for today.”
“You’re allowed to be disappointed. You still can’t have a biscuit now.”

Our children don’t need us to choose between being warm and being firm.

They need us to be both.

Bigger. Stronger. Wiser. And kind. 💛

I think we’ve accidentally made “quality time” another thing for parents to feel guilty about.We’re told to spend one-on...
01/09/2026

I think we’ve accidentally made “quality time” another thing for parents to feel guilty about.

We’re told to spend one-on-one time with each child.

Play with them.

Be present.

Put our phones away.

Create special memories.

And while all of those things can be wonderful...

real family life also includes:
washing.
work.
dinner.
school bags.
appointments.
siblings.
exhaustion.

And approximately 4,732 things that need doing before bedtime.

Connection doesn’t have to happen outside ordinary life.

It can happen inside it.

A smile across the kitchen.

Three minutes kicking the footy.

A cuddle before school.

Letting them help make dinner.

Laughing together in the car.

Listening when they tell you something that’s important to them, even if it doesn’t feel particularly important to you.

These tiny moments communicate:

I see you.
I enjoy being with you.
You matter.

We don’t need to create perfect childhood memories every day.

We just need lots and lots of ordinary moments of connection.

And thankfully, those are much easier to find 💛

Sometimes what looks like:“bad sportsmanship”“being dramatic”“giving up too easily”or even“not caring”can actually be a ...
31/08/2026

Sometimes what looks like:

“bad sportsmanship”
“being dramatic”
“giving up too easily”
or even
“not caring”

can actually be a child struggling to tolerate frustration, disappointment or the vulnerability of getting something wrong.

Understanding what’s underneath doesn’t mean we allow every behaviour.

We can still say:
“I know you’re disappointed. I’m not going to let you throw the game pieces.”

Understanding allows us to hold the boundary while also teaching the skill that’s missing.

Because simply telling a child to “be a good loser” doesn’t teach them how to tolerate the enormous feeling that losing creates.

That skill develops slowly.

Through experience.
Through co-regulation.
Through practice.

And through lots of opportunities to discover:
“Things don’t always go my way... and I can cope with that.”

30/08/2026

Our goal isn’t to remove every difficult feeling from childhood.

It’s to help our children develop the capacity to move through them.

We don’t build resilience by ensuring children never struggle.

And we don’t build it by leaving children alone with struggles that overwhelm them.

It grows somewhere in the middle.

Through manageable challenges.

With support nearby.

Through opportunities to try.

To wobble.

To get it wrong.

To recover.

And eventually to discover:
“That was hard... and I coped.”

That’s why resilience doesn’t always look like a child confidently marching forward.

Sometimes it looks like tears...
a cuddle...
a little time...

and then:
“Okay. I’ll try again.”

And I think that’s something worth celebrating 💛

One small brave step at a time.

What if one of the greatest gifts we could give our children wasn’t confidence that they’ll succeed...but confidence tha...
29/08/2026

What if one of the greatest gifts we could give our children wasn’t confidence that they’ll succeed...

but confidence that they’ll be okay when they don’t?

Because they won’t always win.

They won’t always get the award.

They won’t always make the team.

They’ll say the wrong thing.

Forget something.

Make mistakes.

Fail at things they really wanted to succeed at.

We can’t protect our children from those experiences.

But we can help shape what those experiences come to mean.

A mistake can mean:
“I’m terrible at this.”

Or it can mean:
“I’m still learning.”

Failure can mean:
“I shouldn’t try again.”

Or:
“That didn’t work. What could I do differently?”

And losing can mean:
“I can’t cope with this feeling.”

Or:
“I really don’t like this feeling... but I know it will pass.”

We’re not trying to raise children who enjoy getting things wrong.

We’re raising children who know they can cope when they do.

Address

165 Brisbane Street
Dubbo, NSW
2830

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