12/08/2026
Interestingly enough, this morning, I read an article in The New Yorker featuring death doulas. It warms my heart, thrills me to no end, that death doulas are becoming mainstream. They (we) have been around forever. We serve clients at the end of their lives as midwives serve mothers and new life.
I am a certified death doula. I serve the individual who is dying. I am there to listen and to try to do everything in my power to make their wishes come true. I ask questions about what 'they' want to happen towards the end of their life. What do they want surrounding them? Most of the time it's the people they love the most, their favourite photos, music, a particular scent of a candle, a beloved furry, family member, and sometimes it is an object - a book, a gift from long ago, or a piece of jewellery they can hold in their hand belonging to someone extremely special to them. Whatever 'IT' is, that they want, their wishes, their preferences take complete precedence. The person dying is the priority - they hold the highest rank - not family members, not siblings, or children.
I wish family members understood and respected this.
Family members say they 'know' what their loved ones want and if their loved one is compos mentis (of sound mind, sane, in control of one's mental faculties) I can assure you - most family members have certainly not taken the time to listen to their loved one's dying wishes. The family member wants what they see as 'best' for the person dying. How utterly shocking, unfair, rude, and demeaning. I don't care how well-meaning you think you are - you are not the one dying. Don't worry; have no fear because your day will come and then...you get to have your final moments exactly as you desire IF you have a death doula by your side or a member of your family who understands it's your decisions that take priority over all others.
I have witnessed loved ones demanding 'no more pain medication' because they refuse to admit or believe their loved one is in the last stage of death. Could you imagine?
Maxwell House Counselling - a safe space to discuss death and all of life's conditions...