12/06/2026
I had a panic attack yesterday.
The hyperventilating, hands and knees wanting to bury into the ground kinda one.
The terror gripping at the chest, the fear chilling the veins as it passes through kinda one.
They’re different for all who have a relationship with them I know, but if you know them, you’ll know the one I mean.
They used to terrify me as they transitioned through, the fear of death was palpable and felt oh so very real. I can remember back to the days of wanting to shut them down; of doing all that I could to make it stop.
I have built a relationship with them now.
They no longer scare me.
They’re just visitors passing through, akin to a fever that just wants to be left alone to do its work unsuppressed.
I welcome them when they come, because I trust in the intelligence of my body, I know that this is what it needs for me to recalibrate and remember; that the level of stress that had become my norm’ was not safe or helping me to thrive.
My body felt safe enough yesterday to purge some of the overwhelm I had been swallowing down.
Relocation, packing up a home, the uncertainty of our next steps, the financial duress, the cancer scare, the sick kids, the lack of sleep, the too muchness of living in a world that pulls and rings and wants of you without pause.
Yesterday I needed to hyperventilate to pull in much needed air that hasn’t been able to enter my body because my chest was so tight, and my lungs were too tense.
I needed to be on all fours to remember my grounding and be pulled back into right union with the earth. I needed to detox and anchor and release.
But in the moment……. if you know you know.
Over the past decade we have opened up much needed dialogue around mental health struggles, and this is mine.
I see the world so clearly, all of the good.
I live in the joy with abandon, I’m so grateful to be here, two feet on the ground, full heart at the ready.
But for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, and this is my balance for living a life that smiles as loudly as mine does.
I had a panic attack yesterday. Tears and drool and terror and all; and today I choose kindness and slow and compassion for myself, because it’s done now. It came, did its things and then it went, exactly as it was supposed to, exactly as it does when it let it.
My body has the most glorious way of helping me to remember that all of this is so fleeting, and has so much potential to be enjoyed.
No shame, just acceptance for what is.
This is a reminder for anyone who needs to walk themselves gently through today.
Have a cuppa. Read the book. Punch that bag. Take the bath.
Do what you need to do to remember who bloody incredible you are.
I remember when I first got into the coaching game, where the rhetoric was to ensure that only the bright and shiny end results were shared.
Who would be inspired by a coach who has wayward ducks right?!
But my favourite people are the people with ducks who don’t conform to neat lines; because they are the people who understand.
It’s their guidance I want, because who better to love your human than a human.
We’re moving into a world of polished, and AI, and robotic communication; and I object with my whole lived in heart.
There isn’t a part of myself that I don’t love, which is why there’s no parts of you I can’t show you how to love with reckless abandon too. X
