28/05/2026
For the Little Ones With Big Feelings and the Parents Holding Space for Them
Children don't have the vocabulary for what they feel. What they have is behaviour. And behaviour is always communication, even when it is hard to witness or hard to manage.
When a child melts down over something that seems small, shuts down completely, lashes out at the people they love most, clings and refuses to separate, or says I do not know when asked what is wrong and genuinely means it... they are not being difficult. They are communicating the only way they know how.
Big feelings are not bad feelings
Our culture has an uneasy relationship with so called negative or uncomfortable emotions . We rush to fix them, minimise them or make them go away quickly. But big feelings such as anger, fear, grief and overwhelm are not problems to be solved. They are normal human experiences that need safe space.
When a child feels their big feelings are too much or shameful, they do not learn to process them. They learn to hide them. And hidden feelings do not disappear. They come out sideways in anxiety, explosions, or withdrawal.
What children need most is not to feel fixed. They need to feel understood.
A tool for the whole family
The Feelings Wave
This gives the feeling a beginning, middle and end, which is what the nervous system needs to complete a stress cycle.
Next time your child is overwhelmed, try saying:
That feeling is like a wave. It feels huge right now. But waves always pass. We are going to let it wash over us together.
• Sit with them, physically close if they will allow it.
• Do not try to fix it, explain it away or rush them through it.
• Do not minimise it or catastrophise it.
• Just be present, the calm shore they can return to.
Afterwards when the wave has passed and they are calm, name it:
That was a big anger wave. And you got through it. I am proud of you.
Why this works,
Naming emotions builds emotional intelligence. It creates neural pathways that help children recognise and regulate their feelings over time. And co regulating with a calm adult is one of the most powerful healing tools a child has access to.
You do not need to be a perfect parent. You just need to keep showing up, be present, and try again.
Save this for the next hard moment:)