27/05/2026
For those who know me, know that I’m a passionate Geelong Cats supporter, so I was really interested in comments from midfielder Bailey Smith after the recent win over the Swans.
When asked about his excellent form this season, Bailey said:
“I’m separating my identity from who I am and what I do…”
He went on to explain that this approach has helped him enjoy his footy more and keep it in perspective:
“It’s just a game after all.”
What a powerful insight.
Bailey has spoken openly in the past about his mental health struggles, and it’s clear this is an area he’s been working on.
His comments reminded me of a theme in Ben Crowes book Where The Light Gets In, where he explores the idea of becoming a “human being” rather than a “human doing.”
Ben writes that when we live primarily as human doings, we attach our identity and self-worth to external things - achievement, productivity, status, success, and how others perceive us.
Our identity becomes what we do, rather than who we are.
And this can be exhausting.
From an ontological perspective, this is deeply important because it shapes our “way of being” in the world - how we see ourselves, how we relate to others, and what we believe gives us worth.
This happens for two, very understandable, reasons.
Firstly, we are deeply wired for belonging. Humans evolved in tribes where acceptance and inclusion mattered for survival. So naturally, we care what others think.
But somewhere along the way, many of us begin to confuse fitting in with belonging.
Secondly, our modern definition of success has become heavily tied only to productivity and achievement.
I say only because achievement itself isn’t the problem — striving, creating and contributing can be wonderful parts of life. But when achievement becomes the only measure of identity and worth, life can turn into a never-ending pursuit of more:
more success,
more money,
more validation,
more busyness.
And “Busy” almost becomes a badge of honour.
I often notice people’s reactions when they ask:
“You busy, Rich?”
And I respond:
“No, not really.”
They’re honestly unsure how to respond, but it often opens a conversation about slowing down intentionally… and the difference between constantly doing and simply being.
One of the ideas I love most from Ben’s book is his suggestion that before writing a “to do” list each day, we first write a “to be” list.
He poses the question:
“What kind of person do I want to be today?”
Because throughout the day, circumstances will inevitably disrupt many of the things on our “to do” list. But who we choose to be - how we show up, how we treat people, how we respond to life - remains available to us in every moment. And this means we can still finish the day feeling successful, even when not everything got done.
Which then leads to a much deeper question:
Who am I?
I spend a lot of my coaching conversations exploring this question with people, and it’s an absolute privilege to watch people reconnect with parts of themselves that exist beyond performance, achievement and external identity.
I’ll leave the final words to Ben Crowe, whose closing reflection in his chapter beautifully captures the invitation:
“If you couldn’t introduce yourself with any of the external stuff we typically identify ourselves by… what would you say answering that question is one of the most enjoyable ways you can embrace your weird and your own story”
I think that’s why Bailey’s comments resonated so strongly with me.
There’s something deeply refreshing about seeing someone in elite sport speak so openly about identity, vulnerability and perspective.
