Sleepy as a Mother

04/08/2022

we've all been there, that frustrating moment when you finally get your baby to sleep and then eyes wide open as soon as they hit the cot 🙄😝 here are my top 5 tips to help the arms to cot transition!

31/07/2022

ive been overstimulated since the second i opened my eyes this morning.. i don't feel 100%, i could feel harlis bottle had leaked all through the bed, Jeylan was sitting on my back and the thought of the state of my house that i knew was awaiting me on the other side of the bedroom door filled me with dread.

today was a morning of a fruit sachet for breakfast for harli and 2 bananas and a donut for Jeylan. it was a morning of stripping beds and vacuuming while one crawled after me crying and the other yelled at me because the vaccum was too loud. it was a morning of walking on the wet floor that id just mopped and sh****ng through an outfit id just put her in. all with constant inaudible moaning mixed with a very clear "MUUUUUM" all. fu***ng. morning.

i text their father to complain and i raised my voice more times than I'd like to admit and i walked away and swore to myself more than im proud of. but lord these days are unrelenting sometimes. the constant noise and being needed. the never ending need for help or entertainment. paired with your own mental health needs of a clean house when your child is thrilled by throwing the clothes you've just folded back onto the ground.

I know it won't be like this forever, and ill miss these days when im alone with my own thoughts. and i remember that i know the answer to my questions when i finally make my coffee and i sit down with my boy and he doesn't want to yell at me anymore because he has my undivided attention. my unwavering gaze. my forever touch.

and it doesn't really make it any easier, but it does make it fu***ng worth it ❤️‍🔥

25/07/2022

it seems like one of the hardest pills to swallow for a new mum is the fact that

BABIES ARE DESIGNED TO WAKE THROUGH THE NIGHT! 🤩

*** (ESPECIALLY if they're breastfeeding - the miracle of breast milk is that it purposely depletes in nutrition throughout the night SO your baby rouses more frequently and wakes up, this is biologically NORMAL and PERFECT and is a SAFETY MECHANISM! believe it or not babies are NOT meant to sleep 12 hours a night as a newborn, ESPECIALLY if breast fed, this will lead to supply issues and weight problems - but more on that another time 😜) ***

you are not doing anything wrong if your baby is waking through the night, they have not "learnt to be manipulative", they do not "know they have you wrapped around their little finger", they are not broken, they are not spoilt, they are doing what they are designed to do, to ROUSE when they are uncomfortable, to SIGNAL when they need help and to CRY when they want some comfort! ❤️‍🔥

the pressure that we (and society) put upon ourselves as new mum's to have our babies "sleeping through the night" is one that will always grind my gears and have me wanting to empower mammas always that ITS OKAY and it's NORMAL! in saying that, hourly/frequent wakes every night for months at a time usually means there is an underlying red flag which needs to be looked into and not something you have to just put up with, reach out if you have any questions or want to chat! 💕

24/07/2022

❤️‍🔥 love this. what a bloody experience!

♥️ “What if we told women the truth about birth
We’d have to tell them that contractions will probably be more than “surges” or “sensations.”

That they’ll probably rock your f✨cking world and leave you begging for salvation as you clutch the edge of the tub or the hospital linens

That your gentle breathing exercises and your Spotify soundtrack will be left in the dust as you sweat and pant and sway and swear your way through it

That you’ll trip harder than any mushroom you ever did in college and vomit with the same ferocity and travel to places deep within yourself that you didn’t know existed. That you’ll float above your body and simultaneously be trapped in it with an intensity you’ve never tasted

And in that intensity, in the sweating and the swearing and the swaying and the vomiting and the endless hours of contractions crashing down upon you
You’ll find your strength
You’ll find a resilience you’ve never known
You’ll find the power you need for the journey of motherhood ahead

In the messy humanity of it all
You’ll find that you are holy
A portal to the divine
Capable of indescribable miracles
A vessel of sacred life

What if we told women the truth about birth?
We’d have to tell them they are capable of anything
Worthy of being treated like goddesses
Made to walk through the flames
Surf the tidal waves
Dive into the underworld
And come out alive

Not unscathed
Not unchanged
But whole
And healed
And ready to take on the world

If we told women the truth about birth
We’d have to admit that we’ve lied about everything else
And that they are more powerful
More fierce
More capable
More beautiful
Than we’ve ever let on.

If we told the truth about birth?
We’d shatter the world.”

Spirit Y Sol

21/07/2022

when i look back on my life when im finished raising my children, will i regret the space i didnt keep for myself? the tv shows i didn't get to watch? the fleeting distance between me and my partner it caused for those few short years, when our priorities became less about us and more about them? will i regret not stretching out in my bed or my sore neck or not being one of those mammas who "successfully" got their child in their own bed when they were 2?

or will i remember that i got to be their safe place at their most vulnerable time of the day, when separation looked them right in the face. will i remember the offload of emotions that would happen at bedtime, and the way that my presence gave them peace? will i remember the whispers about their day and the secrets in my ears, and the way im the last thing they see at night and the first thing they see in the morning,

deeply rooted to this bed, to this home, to this family ❤️‍🔥

08/07/2022

the worst part of having my little girl in hospital with RSV/bronchiolitis (aside from the health reasons clearly) is the fact that because she's got a feeding tube in, they've had to keep her little arms out of action so she doesn't pull it out (i let her have a 2 minute break to have her arms last night, and looked away for a second and she yanked it straight out 😫) - i can't really hold her because they prefer she stays in position with the oxygen and the monitors etc and i look at her little face when she's crying and I know she is wondering why mummy won't pick her up 🥺❤️

ive been putting the rails down and laying my head on her pillow and letting her nestle up to me and find a little nook she can rest her little face into 🥺 this is a baby sooo used to being cuddled when she needs comfort, who absolutely craves and depends on touch and who has always been responded to as soon as she calls. she is a baby who is used to falling asleep under mammas arm in mammas bed and who's never had to work to get what she needs.

but even though there's a distance between us, i know we have the foundations so that i can still be the calming space that surrounds her. i can stroke her hair like she's used to. i can sing her the same songs. i can touch her little foot and give her her chuchu and put the same white noise on that she loves to dull the beeps and the buzzers. i can remind her that that she's safe and that she never, ever has to work hard or doubt what's going on or if she is alone.

because i am right there, no matter what, always, forever, giving her that same deep dependence so she can relax, so she can heal, so she can rest ❤️

29/06/2022

when it comes to our romantic relationships, we often find ways to speak the love language we know our partner needs. he knows that i enjoy when he mows the lawn and tells me he appreciates me, i know he likes when i show him affection and organise some one on one time with him 🥱🤣❤️

so when it comes to children, what stops us from slowing down and taking a minute to speak their love language? diluted down to a strength that matches their age and given before they ask for it, this can change the dynamics of relationships before their eyes! just in the same way you feel good when your husband gives you a foot massage before you've asked for it, or brought home that bag that he knew you liked. think of the rush of oxytocin that pulses through your body when you feel loved and cared for, then imagine sending that through to your child every day through the way their primarily feel love, through physical touch! 😍

most "tantrums" are calls for connection, most "meltdowns" are healed with a hug. through beautiful words of affirmation, we can usually cut through the explosion of emotions and support them through the wild ride which is growth and adaptation.

we need not seperate our struggling child in the face of a hardship (ie: a meltdown in target 🤯) - what we need is MORE proximity, MORE connection, MORE empathy, MORE patience and LESS worry about what the world is thinking. DO what your child needs before he thinks of it himself. GIVE him what he wants before he knows it (and im not talking gift wise) - im talking getting in front of their needs and giving them freedom within the boundaries that YOU have set, for them ❤️

we all need in some capacity:
• acts of service
• physical touch
• quality time
• gifts
• words of adoration

think about your relationship with your child as just as important as the one with your spouse, that requires getting to know them on a deeper level, instead of just that tug of war between obeying and commanding ❤️

24/06/2022

5 things not to say to an expectant or first time mamma! 🤰🏽🤱🏽❤️

1) "u better enjoy ur sleep now!" - look when we are pregnant, uncomfortable and riddled with pregnancy anxiety, chances are we aren't sleeping that well as it is! also, does enjoying it now mean we will remember it when we arent and somehow feel better about being deprived? probably not! so don't say it 🤪

2) "it's gonna be hard if the baby has colic!'' oh no s**t Sherlock! i didn't think it was going to be a walk in the park, but lets spend less time bringing excited mammas back down to earth and more time pumping them up! "It's going to be AMAZING - however it looks" is better 🥰

3) "gee ur big! u sure it's not twins?" - especially when said when ur 5 minutes pregnant lol 🤯 yes Karen. im sure 🙄

4) "sleep when the baby sleeps!" - of course we would love to do that, but if ur blessed with a bubba that prefers.a 30 minute catnap over a 2hr sleep, these words echoing in our heads can often cause more harm than good. what we need is the ability to ask for help when we need to rest, to call on our village and to be taken care of when we are struggling. this isn't helpful, don't say it.

5) "don't let the baby get used to being held!" uhh, my favourite. why would we not want to cuddle and comfort the child we grew inside our bodies for 9 months? when we know that skin to skin can start a heartbeat? when we know chest to chest regulates their nervous system? when it just feels bloody beautiful? #

next time u want to give unsolicited advice, just be weary of what bearing ur words can have. some of us are sensitive, most of us are hormonal, and all of us just want to decide things for ourselves ❤️

mammas, what would you add to that list? ⬇️⬇️

22/06/2022

we are the default parent
we are the ones with the mental list, that goes for pages long
we are the ones on the phone to Centrelink, organising child care, organising health care
we are the ones thinking about dinner, while we are making breakfast, while we realise there's not much for lunch
we are the ones timing our shower against the ever running washing machine, knowing we will have time to hang another load before work, if we just put another load in now
we are the ones thinking about the babysitter we will need in two weeks, for that dinner date we actually forgot to RSVP to
we are the ones making the doctors appointments, the ones taking the children to their needles, the ones who remember they actually need to go
we are the ones who bear the brunt of toilet training, who remember to play the tooth fairy, who orders the birthday cakes
we are the ones who realise the baby needs more bottles, or the toddler needs new shoes, or the husband needs new un**es
we are the ones the baby wants when she's tired, and the one the big boy wants when he's hurt
we are the ones who remove ourselves but always come back, the ones who take the deep breaths and try again
we are the ones who go to bed last at night and who wake up first in the morning
we are the ones who dry the most tears and who get the biggest smiles
we are the ones whose life was uprooted, tossed around and deeply planted again, with an unwavering sturdiness, strong in the face of relentless chaos and unrivalled joy.
we are the default parent, and we wouldn't have it any other way ❤️

18/06/2022

guess what? the only thing that's going to come from this contact nap is a good. f*^king, SLEEP! 😍

not bad habits
not a commitment to co sleeping
not an invisible contract that states you have to contact nap for every single nap again for the rest of their infant life
not the sacrifice of any sort of routine or schedule that you've worked so hard to implement
not the end of the world ❤️

just a warm body on a warm chest on a cold Saturday afternoon..simply bless 💫 and a good. f*^king. sleep ❤️

16/06/2022

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Ce3ErWEuTbB/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

lovezoepotter • Original Audio