08/18/2026
it's about more than my body
for years i was told to believe that the smallest version of myself, was somehow the best version of myself
so i thrived in being, and staying, small - physically, energetically, and verbally; don't take up space, don't make others uncomfortable, don't speak your opinions
motherhood cracked that unachievable life reeeeaaaaallllllll quick
i grew an entire human being in my body and the most commented on thing was how fast i 'bounced-back' as if that was the whole point (spoiler, it's not!)
after birth, i struggled for a long while with the new shape of myself. not only the physical shape but the shift in strength, opinions, boundaries, and priorities too
i no longer fit into the boxes i had made to keep myself safe or fitting-in
i started feeling constricted and confined by the life and ways of being i had known and began to not recognize myself
sharp, withdrawn, cold, unattached
i did find parts of myself again after a while though
i started noticing the way pride would light up when I held the line on a boundary
i started to forget the number on my jeans
i noticed how good it felt to say no when I wanted to
i forgot that I was supposed to be living to please others
i started breathing deeper into my belly, not worried if it would make me look 'bloated' or 'full'
i owe these shifts to somatic work.
to the efforting of slowing down and noticing what i actually want and need instead of what the world decided i should want/have/need
where i want to go instead of where i should be going
and any work I do for my physical shape is done out of love and reverence for self, not shame, guilt, and tension
my size is the least interesting thing about me and i'm so damn glad i finally figured it out
the process is slow, deep, messy, joyful, confusing, and at times really fu***ng hard
but what's the other option?
go back to the way it was?
f**k that
