01/11/2021
I’m no stranger to peeing on sticks.
Waiting with held breath for 3 agonizing minutes then scrutinizing them from every angle. Holding them up to the light as though X-ray vision will help.
But the test I took yesterday was absolutely negative.
Today’s was the same. I write this post sitting in the lab waiting for my blood to be drawn to tell me what I already know.
My incredible hubby, always the optimist, insists that it’s not over until we get the blood test results. Maybe he’s right but I don’t have much hope.
These support hormones make everything so much more difficult because my body FEELS pregnant. I’m nauseous. Sooo much saliva. Sore b***s. Dark ni***es. Incredibly tired. Pulling/cramping feelings in my uterus. Peeing all the time. I cry at everything… except this. The tears haven’t started to flow yet. So maybe I’m in denial until I get that phone call too.
The realist in me acknowledges it was a long shot anyways. There was only one 10 year old embryo left, one chance. I’m not 29 anymore. And yet I don’t regret the hope & love I experienced during this for even one second. I don’t regret my transparency or honesty in sharing this journey with you, even this part.
Yes, this part sucks hard. But I’m not alone. I have the most incredible husband, son, mom, and my very best friends & fam to help carry me through it. I’ll be okay.
And maybe my story will help someone else not feel so alone too. My DMs are always open. I’m here to listen if you ever need someone.
Thank you for all your love & support! I’ll hopefully be back to regular scheduled programming later this week. 🙏🏻💕
