10/16/2025
I work with a lot of clients who are stuck in cycles of over-giving, obsessing about their partners needs, or who pride themselves on being selfless while in a relationship with more of a taker.
Unfortunately, none of these traits actually mirror those of someone who is selflessly giving; it mirrors the behaviour of someone who is addicted to control, approval, and connection.
The tricky thing about codependency is that it’s not selfless at all; it’s an (albeit kind attempt) to control the way someone sees you. It’s a way to look like the hero, while making the other person look like a vilain.
Codependency is a behavioral and emotional pattern where someone prioritizes another person’s needs, emotions, or problems at the expense of their own well-being.
It’s often rooted in childhood dynamics; like growing up around dysfunction, addiction, or emotional neglect; where love and safety were tied to caretaking, control, or self-abandonment.
Children who grow up in these types of environments will base all their sense of worth and stability as an adult onto their partners, friends, or co-workers. And when this doesn’t go as planned, they can experience huge tidal wave emotions of rejection, fear, and/or self-loathing.
Just for today, if you resonate with any of the aforementioned characteristics; pause before you act or respond.
Take a second to ask yourself ‘am I saying yes to be liked? Am I agreeing to please? How would I respond if I wasn’t scared of their reaction?
Your truth will be hidden under those responses; it just takes practice to get reconnected to that quiet voice 🙏🏼
