10/01/2023
SHARE SHARE SHARE
*WARNING LONG READ*
AUTISM EXPOSED
THE LIFE OF NOAH PHILLIPS
For those of you who just assume my kids were apprehended because I’m a “s**tty” mom or a drug attict…. Your ignorance is about to get in check.
Don’t worry,I forgive you as I was once Ignorant like you.
“Tiffani, Noah’s is showing the same signs as my oldest son did…I have concerns about Noah’s health and I think you should have him tested for Autism” -anonymous daycare worker.
“No! Your kid is Autistic!”- I shot back at the worker…who did happen to have an autistic child, but yes I was very ignorant too as I walked out of that daycare for the last time and never went back.
I had never been so insulted in my life, which is weird because I had no idea what Autism was, I can’t remember why I would be so offended by som**hing I knew nothing about.
All I knew was, I loved Noah more than life itself, I had wanted/needed him for so long in my life and he was nothing but amazingly perfect, beautiful in every way, an angelic soul and pure innocence, he was so much more than I ever thought, someone like me could make, he was everything to me…and nothing was wrong odd or different in any bad kind of way….
And I’m right, there’s nothing wrong with him…but he was different, and my story with autism, is the farthest thing from AUsome.
It’s the AUgly truth…
After the daycare worker accused Noah of having Autism word spread like wildfire, it was horrible, I hated it.
When I used to put Noah to bed, it was an hour long routine, after bath, pjs, and his good night to his step dad, I would sing and rock him to sleep, often telling him about what our goals were in life, how far along we were in them and how much longer we had to go or what else we had to do.
For months I’d beg for him to talk.
“Common handsome, just get EVERYONE off our backs, then you don’t have to talk, I just want everyone to shut up and leave us alone” it started to become apart of our good night routine which ended in me singing “don’t wanna miss a thing” by Aerosmith.
For months, almost every night id dream of Noah talking, they were so vivid. I’d be over the moon and everytime
“This can’t be a dream this is for real this ti—“ *wakes up…
And I would start crying, or I’d get so angry, not at Noah but at life, at nosey people.
Noah’s first year he surpassed his milestones, born September 23rd/2015 at 4:20pm weighting 8”3 and 21 inches in length, and had the fairest skin as far as the eye could see.
4-6 months he rolled/sat up on his own, crawling and walking by 11 months—sorry crawling and running by 11 months, he still can’t walk, he just runs.
He was the easiest most perfect baby the first year, I couldn’t catch up to him after the first year. I used to call him “Canadian Ninja Baby” (haha instead of American Ninja Warrior? Get it?)
He’d make himself obstacle courses all day and then proceed to go through them, ballencing on his toys or anything he could get his hands on.
For Noah’s second Birthday we spent it in Vancouver City…well Vancouvers Childens Hospital. The pressure of all my friends and family had gotten to me and I took Noah to the Dr’s, not because I thought he was Autistic but because I wanted to prove to everyone that he WASNT autistic, since he didn’t want to talk yet, and we were referred to the children’s hospital.
After a 5 minute appointment, the Dr set up a MRI to be done in 6 months, to make sure his running on his tippy toes was indeed him training to be my Olympian gold medalist and not a nuerological problem or spinal issue…not a word about Autism.
M**H MOM
Autism was a bored small town rumour that was made up because I was bullied my entire life and the jerks are passing it on to my kid before he’s even in school.
We never made it to that appointment, we moved to Saskatchewan instead, after a month of a self destructing nuecular bomb I had set off.
It started with chatting up an old time friend I used to do dope with, I had been off of dope for almost 10 years and had preached about hating dope with a passion, and I can only think that I started interacting with this old friend, subconsciously hoping to relapse, see drug attics when ready to relapse will put themselves in predicaments where it’s “not their fault” when their ready to relapse.
I was black out drunk, and regained my memory’s halfway through a m**h hoot and after a ridillyn rail.
I was shocked and was out of the drug scene for sooo long I had no idea m**h had become such a big thing.
2 weeks later, after my new drug attict boyfriend moved in, a scene had played out that this guy was an EXTREMELY dangerous dude, I sat outside Noah’s bedroom door, telling myself that when I took Noah out of this house the next morning, he wasn’t comming back to our home, ever again….and he never did.
THE ULTIMATE BETRAYAL
I had asked my best friend/sister to take Noah for the weekend like she had been harrassing me to do so for the last 6 months, but I never wanted a break from Noah, I still didn’t but I knew I had too. I needed to sell everything I had, close down my business, and pack up to move to Saskatchewan and go to rehab to get off of m**h.
At first my sister was hesitant, but after giving her an update of my last 2 weeks she realized I wasn’t asking her to take Noah, I was telling her too.
Can’t trust no one like you can family right? WRONG! Because that was one of the worst things that had happened to me, everything turned out fine, Noah was very lucky too.
After I told my sister what happened, I’m assuming she talked to another family member who put in her head that I would not leave BC, if Noah was in protective family services system and she had called the police on me.
They came to my house 5x to apprehend Noah, however he was at daycare and I was running around trying to get everything done that I needed done before my big move to Saskatchewan, I wasn’t home everytime they came.
I called my sister at around 4pm appoligizing for not leaving town yet, I was running late and was packing for Noah’s first sleepover. Thats right first child first sleepover away from home, first parent.
You can only imagine what I had packed…a little bit of EVERYTHING x3 lol
Once my sister realized Noah hadn’t been apprehended like her first initial thought had been, she more than willingly wanted to take Noah for the weekend but could no longer meet me half way. So I drove 2 hours to the town she lived in leaving us at about 6pm.
The snake like sister even asked me for his birth certificate “incase he needs to go to the hospital” she claimed but really she was planning on his first apprehension and wanted it to be as difficult as possible for me to get him back.
Around 8pm when I messaged my snakster (sister/snake) to see if Noah went to bed as I was over the moon worried about him, she assured me he’d just gone to bed and everything was fine…but I still felt sick.
THE FIRST APPREHENSION
A couple hours later I started crying and had the worst panic attack of my life.
For some reason I had it in my head that my snakster was going to keep Noah from me, I was right and a couple hours after that I received a phone call I never thought I’d get.
At around midnight, there was a phone call from a blocked number, Social services notified me that Noah had been apprehended at about 8pm earlier that day. At around 8pm earlier that day they received a phone call from my snakster of her yelling at them to;
“Come pick IT up, come pick IT up” not come pick up my nephew, or this little boy but “IT” and I’ll never forgive her for that.
I was with my cousin at the time, and he just about puked after that phone call, he’d realized my delusional claims earlier of my sister kidnapping Noah, weren’t so delusional after all. I was a little off, but I’d never do that to her daughter/my niece…I still wouldn’t even if given the opportunity.
Because call me crazy but I’m not going to hurt or punish A CHILD for som**hing another ADULT DID.
Because believe it or not CHILDREN DO NOT BELONG IN ADULT SITUATIONS.
9 days of hyperventilating ugly white girl snotting and yelp-crying, not being able to hold my composure for more than 45 seconds long, I was finally driving to Saskatchewan with my mom and Noah, and his dog Barkley, and my cat Enzo, in a 2 door car….that was a long trip.
MOVING TO SASKATCHEWAN
I didn’t get along with my step dad and shortly moved out of his and my moms place and into my best friends place who was also in love with me, wasn’t long until my fed up friend gave me an ultimatum and I was kicked out of his place.
I was going to get a spot at the local campsite and play “camp out” but I didn’t think it was fair to Noah and I thought I could get back on my feet faster without him so I called my mom to pick up Noah.
Looking back I think deep down I knew I was about to fly off the handle and wasn’t capable of giving Noah the life he needed and deserved.
4 months of being a drug dealing criminal, 37 charges and 3 warrants later I spent the next 6 months in pine grove correctional for women, this was in December 2018.
I found out I was pregnant again.
January of 2019 Noah was diagnosed with Autism.
Late may/early June I got out of jail.
Noah’s little brother was born July 10th and Noah moved back in with me.
A HELMET BUT NO BIKE NIGHTMARE
Noah’s first behaviour regression happened when he was 3.5, he also developed a horrible new habit….self harm.
I’ve self harmed before, I can count on 1 hand how many times I’ve self harmed, I remember hitting a level of frustration that was uncomprehendable, so frustrated, your just trying to kill yourself out of true blunt force…Noah was self harming up to 10x a day, or even more. It makes me sick to think that he reaches that frustration level, never mind how often and frequently he does.
His toes were black and had looked like possible permanent disfiguring, and he had bruises all over himself, especially his head.
All day everyday I regularly checked Noah for concussions,maybe almost 20x a day.
One day after pinning Noah down for almost quite litterally an entire day so he couldn’t hurnt himself, I gave in. I went and got a wrestling helmet and I got to work putting my own straps into it…..
a couple times I’ve said “one of the worst days of my life,Noahs bad days were the worst days of my life.
The second worst day of my life was when I put a helmet on Noah when putting him to bed….
I’d always imagined putting a helmet on my boy to teach him how to ride a bike, never could I have thought that this could happen to me.
THE REAL NOT-SO AUSOME TRUTH
Autism had now become extremely real to me.
He’s just a kid, how can a child suffer so much and so badley.
When pregnant with Noah I remember crying lots, I was so afraid of Noah having a disability (I never thought autism but more of a physical disability) that I had this irrational fear of watching him suffer for the rest of his life, so badley that half my family thought I was drinking while I was pregnant and that’s why Noah had autism. Which drinking does not cause Autism. FYI
We moved to Saskatoon I was super mom going crazy! I had both boys 24/7 365 days of the year, I went years without a break from my kids not by choice either as my mom had moved in with her boyfriend and neither baby daddy of mine were involved.
LIFE THREATENING AT 4 GOING ON 14
One day my boyfriend had stopped by to drop off the boys car seat and so I went to take them out of his car, and put into mine. The boys were screaming as per usual, but what else was new?
Rather than attempt to have an adult conversation instead I just went inside and whined about never getting a break.
As I get inside I’m getting ready to yell at the boys and i turn the corner after the kitchen and I see my 6 month old baby, pinned up against the wall, he’s bleeding everywhere and Noah had his fist, lodged in the baby’s mouth to almost his elbow.
Terrified I ripped and grabbed Noah and threw him in his room while I held my baby.
All I could think was”that was close” I held my baby and I cried the night away….
RUNAWAY HOME
One night, after putting my baby safely asleep, I was so tired and I started drifting to sleep.
I was woken up at quarter to 10, to my boyfriend knocking on the door, I woke up and thought, cool Noah put himself to bed.
I let my boyfriend in and he states “I’m not sure why I’m here, I still have running around to do before I relax here for the night but som**hing told me to come here for some reason”
At this time I silently went upstairs to Noah’s bedroom. He wasn’t there, I ran all through the house.
“Noahs Gone!” I ran outside, jumped into my car and circulated my house going bigger and bigger with the circle as I reach a block perimeter.
Half hour later I called my mom, she freaked right out and told me to call the cops and I did. I knew I should’ve called them right away but I was so afraid of social services apprehending Noah and I knew cops ment social services.
I called and Noah had been picked up just down the road.
“Phew” that was a close call.
THANK GOD FOR CRIME
All summer I had missed my probation meetings, even though they were only over the phone (thank you covid) still taking 20 minutes away from my children was litterally life threatening, explaining how difficult this was to my probation officer ALL summer!
She referred me to the HUB…which was the first time I had received help for Noah, no one else was able to help me, not social services, not the Autism Center, but my probation officer.
“Thank god I was a criminal”- Som**hing else I’d never thought I’d say.
THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE
(And I learn the crooked truth about
SK FPS the hard way)
Too bad it was all for nothing as my kids were apprehended 2 months later.
My abusive boyfriend gave me a wicked s**t kicking and threatening to kill me, he made me say my goodbyes to Noah.
That happened on a Sunday, and the following Friday my boys were apprehended.
I threw my boyfriend out of my house after the incident and didn’t look back.
They were apprehended due to suspected child abuse, even though I had a pediatrician and a therapist diagnose him as a non verbal SELF HARMING Autistic child, very common with non verbal Autistic children, I had also explained
I had him diagnosed after our first occupational therapy session, when it was 10 minutes cut short due to the therapist having major concerns with my Family’s, and Noah’s safety, she made an emergency call to the Autism Center, it did nothing, the Autism Center down played my situation, even said other children had it worse than Noah.
The therapist told me to go get him diagnosed the next day, and that I’d thank her later, I didn’t thank her though as it did nothing for me.
We had a play therapist sent through by the HUB, turns out she was working in the same office as my social worker. For 2 months before they were apprehended, this play Therapist came to my home to work with Noah for 1-3x a week.
She was one of the first people I called after the boys were nabbed up. She spoke with comforting confidence that my kids would be back home soon, 2 weeks later when I never heard back from her I called and she apologized to me and said she couldn’t do anything as she’d be going against her job, family protective services never talked to this woman, not once.
I was heavily investigated by police, no charges were laid.
“If we had any inclination that you were abusing your children, this interview would be done at a cop shop”-the cop that interviewed me at a children’s dr office said.
I thought great my kids are comming back home! But no, FPS does their own investigation and claimed that there was not enough evidence to charge me.
When I questioned the supervisor about resources my son was getting while in the ministrys care, I was accused of lying and trying to manipulate the situation.
Which fu***ng rights I was, I wasn’t willing to give up everything I had and get rid of my kids pets, because a stranger came into my house snd told me too, with no evidence of anything.
This woman (social worker)had no clue about Noah and Autism. My house was made to fit around Noah’s needs, her suggestion of a small apartment suite, simply wouldn’t work, I had already tried it.
Hell she didn’t even have the proper seating for a child like my son, they had to use my car seat to take him away. What a kick to the face eh?
I was also notified I was not allowed to be alone with a child…..yet no charges including a minor to this date.
I wish I knew then what I know now…
FUN FACTS EVERY PARENT FACING FPS
SHOULD KNOW
1.)
social services is corrupt as f**k in Saskatchewan especially Saskatoon, as soon as FPS comes to your door ANYONE should’ve jotting down notes date and time out, what room your in, how long, what you talked about etc. document the time/place when/if changing rooms.
My disclosure is completely fabricated and made up. I wish I had made notes and documented each visit.
2.)
Social services has more authority than the cops
3.)
I should’ve did as they had asked. I lost everything anyways, and I never had a hope in hell anyways And
4.)
I didn’t need a break as badley as I had originally thought
LIFE AFTER APPREHENSION
The next couple months I never left my basement, if I did, I left my house, if I left I’d sit in my car for 3-9 hours, knowing the boys wouldn’t be fighting each other to get to me as I opened the door, was the new hell I was living.
I never thought I’d say this but I had wishes that I was still watching my pride and joy suffer so horribly all day every day, I never thought anything could be more painful….turned out NOT watching him suffer was worse.
After 4 months of clean p**s testing and no sign of being able to prove that I was not a child abusing momster… I turned to dope.
I dove head first into it and quickly started using the most dangerous drug I could get my hands on, one I had never tried before, a drug I had hoped was gonna kill me, but I had unsuccessfully overdosed, well over 100x, Fentanyl.
I was selfish, I no longer cared…not even about the trauma i would be leaving my kids.
Sure I felt guilty about it, but I couldn’t go another day without my children, I couldn’t go another day thinking about my high risk autistic son, being worried sick that he was being abused or that he was being cared for by people doing their jobs…No one cares about their job.
I still tear up at around Noah’s bedtime or thinking about someone unlovingly putting him to bed.
I wasn’t able to see my baby Eli until 6 months after the apprehension, Noah I was only able to see 2-3 months. For 2 hours. My visits with Eli continued to only be for every 6 months and only for 2 hours as well. To this day I only get to see Noah for 2 hours a month, at the local visiting suites because I’ll forever be treated like an “abusive parent” and I can only have supervised visits. Complete bulls**t considering all visits with Noah are supervised since he went to a group home specifically for Autistic boys and has a worker with him 24/7.
Quite a difference from going for years without a break, to 2 hours a month.
I was on a mission, to kill myself, I was homeless for 2 years, hiding narcan or destroying any within site.
MY SECOND CHANCE
My mom messages me one Friday asking me to go for coffee, when I see her she handed me some key’s and told me she wanted to move out of her house and into a new house away from her boyfriend and with me and my youngest son Eli….
So 2 days later I moved my mom and Eli into her-our new place…and I deeked out to score some dope, missing my first opportunity in 3 years to tuck my baby into bed.
See I’d been given a second chance I never thought I’d get, but now I had a physical addiction to the most dangerous and addicting drug known…
Adjusting to a life where I didn’t want to kill myself anymore was a hard change to get used too, it was harder than getting back into being a mom again.
After 3 years of being out of the mom scene, my baby Eli, was no longer my baby, he was a kid…raised by my mom, who was now a little boy.
I felt so estranged from my baby, I’ll never forget when the 3 of us went to the grocery store together. He felt like my little brother and I remember thinking how that was an improvement but how f**ked up it was that my son felt like a little brother to me….
I moved in with my mom and Eli in February 2023, but it only took a couple months until I felt like Eli’s mom again. Pretty good considering I’m not allowed to be alone with him.
Since getting this second chance, wanting to live again and becoming a mother again has re-ignited and fuelled the fire in me to fight for Noahs and also my own rights.
CONCLUSION
Social Services preaches about “keeping the family together” yet even after both my mom and I begged them for help, to this day they have not been able to offer me any kind of help for my situation, they only ever took my kids away.
1 in 66 children will be diagnosed with Autism in Canada, 1% worldwide will make up the autistic population. If Saskatchewan family protective services can’t offer any help and/or support for families with autistic children, other than apprehension, think of all the broken families their will be, the taxes raised to put these children into appropriate group/care homes.
After a couple years of being on the autism list, Noah was FINALLY getting recourses but only for a short 2 months before being stripped of those recourses and thrown back onto the waiting list for a couple more years.
The best treatment for Autism is early intervention, during the age span of 2-5yrs old.
Autistic children have a terrible reputation of not being able to show empathy and/or lack human emotion/love/compassion etc.
Yet almost every time I see my son, there’s at least 1 worker he’s super affectionate with (his old therapist said he’s probably desperately looking for a void of sadness in him to be filled, that only I’m able to fill as his mother, although it might appear that he is doing well with these workers in this group home, he’s not getting the fulfilment he desperately seeks)
Almost every visit with Noah, there’s a different worker with him. He has no consistent person in his life or love, anytime he gets close to someone, they leave.
With no way to prove my innocence I have just about the same rights as a convicted child abuser. I was the one that was being abused and after throwing my abuser out of my house I asked social services for help and they only accused me of child abuse and took my children.
These accusations have made it impossible for me to have any normal parenting relationship with my second son. So not only is my oldest son greatly impacted, but so is my younger son.
I’m only able to get into the visiting suite once a month for 2 hours…. I didn’t do anything wrong, I wasn’t a bad mom, I was an overwhelmed mom that needed help, Family Protective Services was supposed to help me, I trusted my government, now my children’s and my own life will never be the same again.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOAH
September.23/2023 my son turned 8 years old….my mother who is allowed to make arrangements with Noah’s group home, arranged a birthday party for him outside at a park….it was the first good visit I’ve had with him for almost a year, first visit that wasn’t at a fake crumby apartment filled with depressing parental/child sorrows.
Noah’s never liked gifts, aside from a few toys and some brand new PJ’s, my gift to him is starting our fight, in hopes one day we can be a family again.
I have NO CLUE how to fight for our rights, all I know is I can’t let anymore time pass by, Noah is my world, he’s everything to me.
ANY INFORMATION and/or recourses/advice. Education, help lead me in the right direction.
My goals are to have as much of a presents in Noah’s life as possible and also work towards preventing this from happening to anyone else.
I’ve had quite a bit of feedback already from people claiming Saskatchewans ministry’s apprehending Autistic children.
I want to put more recourses for family’s with autism members and stop stripping these poor children from their loving parents! Actually do what FPS claims they do and “KEEP FAMILIES TOGETHER”
P.S. - Happy Birthday Noah Bear! Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you, I cry for you almost everyday, I miss you more and more each passing day, I’m sorry that it’s taken me so long to start this fight. I’m sorry I gave up…. I promise you I’ll never stop fighting for you, for us! I cant promise we’ll win, but I’ll die trying.
Even if we may not get exactly what we want, we are going to be the change for every other little boy and girl like you.
The treatment of Autistic children in Saskatchewan changes NOW.
AUTISM BABYS NEED LOVE TOO!!!
I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be
Thank you!
