03/24/2024
Today, I woke up to an overcast day. It was fitting for how I was feeling somewhat because it's 24 years today that I lost my mom. I was lucky enough to have had her in my life for 15 years. Some people don't even get that much time with their loved ones, so I always try to look at the bright side and be grateful that I got to learn from her for 15 years.
I didn't always think that way. It took me years to get over the guilt and forgive myself after she passed because when she did, it was sudden. At that time, I was a bit of a rebellious teen and sh*tty towards her. So, being able to look at the bright side, I guess, came from forgiveness, the acceptance stage of grief, and having the courage to heal. In my mind, you never get over a loss this big. You just get used to carrying the weight of it.
People who had the pleasure of knowing her know how much of an impact she made on others' lives by simply being herself and always wanting to help others, while expecting nothing in return. She had a big heart, she was driven, strong, intelligent, fun, enjoyed music, loved to feed people (bad ass cook too), really loved to travel even though she didn't get to do it much, and of course many other beautiful qualities. I could obviously go on for days. Even though my siblings and I only had her in our lives for a short time, she instilled many of those same qualities in all of us.
At the end of the grey foggy day here in Van, this beautiful sunset showed up, reminding me of her beautiful, and colorful light. So, I wrote her a letter, read it out loud while sitting on my balcony and taking in this magical sunset. I burned the letter afterwards and had a spiritual ceremony for her to celebrate her life.
My sage advice be good to your parents if they are still around. If they are alive and you don't talk to them, try and heal the relationship if you want and if thats something you can't do then perhaps love them, and forgive them from a far and remember to always forgive yourself as well. Never take them for granted. You are a child until you lose a parent.
Thank you to everyone who has been apart of my support circle over the years. Especially my family and close friends. Thank you to my mom for everything you did for us, taught us, and are still teaching us from the other side. I love and miss you. Big hugs today to my siblings, moms family and friends who missing her today.
Love your baby Jennifer Jeanine
If you want to help me celebrate her life today listen to her favorite song Blueberry Hill by ole Fatso Domino.
https://www.instagram.com/p/C44ifLhr_2w/?igsh=MWsyYTBxZG8ydHQycA==
