06/06/2021
With the water lapping at my feet, I sit on the jetty overlooking the lake, my fingers tracing the wood grain while the warm breeze plays through my hair.
Like a bird taking flight, this not yet lived scene - alongside others - have fluttered about my mind in recent months; delicious meals I’ll eat, warm hugs I’ll sink into and a joyful reflection of thanks to myself for what I know I’ll accomplish.
Historically, in stark contrast, my experience of looking toward the future was filled with fearful projections, pitiful loneliness and one failure after another.
While most unprecedented, this shift in mental headspace has been most welcome. I truly never knew it existed. I’d never heard of it happening, or more over, understood in this way.
Having made such progress in my growth over the years, there were markers I could claim, but also assumed much would stay as is.
There was an understanding, at the time, that my lot was fixed to a point, and those projections would be the ones I would navigate.
But to comprehend what this change would mean would have been almost impossible beforehand.
You don’t know what you don’t know, and I’ve never known this before. It’s not a big push, it’s not “if I try with all my might”, it’s effortless, natural and enjoyable.
As when rereading your favourite book, you collect alternative pockets of the familiar story, our understandings of the same concepts and words take on new meaning as we grow.
There is no way to show this world inside my head, and how the sun feels like it’s rising in so many ways. But I will continue to do so in whatever way I can.
My hope is that in time, these same words take on new meaning for you. That hope, potential or the future are not words weighted against you, but ones that lift you up.
You are precious, you are capable and you are alive. Take a breath.
Feed your soul, my sweet, and give yourself room to grow 🌱