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The Fierce Female Cancer Kicker

Caeryn Collins. Mother of 3, grandmother of one. Separated. Business Owner. Breast Cancer

01/08/2023

Today I am truly celebrating life.

At the end of my radiotherapy I started to experience symptoms that were alarming. I lost the use of my arms for a few days and then experienced continuing weakness and numbness.

My oncologist was concerned enough to order an emergency MRI of head and spine.

I was already experiencing a downward spiral (which often happens at the end of cancer treatment). It was a mixture of relief, post traumatic stress, survivor guilt, having gone though this as a single mum and the fact that I just ‘cracked on’ without ever coming to terms with how serious things were.

So to be faced with the possibility of the cancer being in my spine or head was something that hit my fragile state like a bullet train. I make no apologies for not sharing what was happening.

Today I got the bloody amazing news that I have protruding discs in my neck. Whilst some people would take that as bad news for me it’s bloody fabulous. It isn’t cancer. I’ve really beaten the pernicious little fe**er.

Go hug your loved ones. Make a will. Buy the shoes. Go on those memory making holidays. Turn off the TV and go and embrace life. Look for the glimmers.

And from me - so much love right now for you all.

05/07/2023

After 10 months of appointments, treatment, surgery and radiotherapy today I got to ring the bell!

It’s been a rollercoaster. There were days at the start of chemo where I couldn’t get off the sofa, had nosebleeds that lasted for ages and began without warning.
My bones hurt so much I thought they would break. My skin was sore, my head constantly throbbed.

I had delays to chemo, allergic reactions and a lovely bout of covid.

I had lots of unexpected good days too. For all the brutality of chemo - it’s only a few days at a time. It’s totally doable (although I have no intention of doing it again)

I also had the most amazing support from friends and family. Gifts that were essential, beautiful, thoughtful, handmade, and hilarious.

The team at have kept the ship on a firm course giving me one less worry!

I’ve had messages, visits and been taken out and lifted up by so many beautiful people that I am lucky to have in my life.

I also have the most amazing family to lean on and an adorable granddaughter to provide daily sunshine! 🌞

We got through this. Me and all of you.

Thank you ❤️❤️❤️

16/06/2023

I’m unravelling.

One of my amazing consultants did warn me this might happen as obviously lots of cancer patients go through this at the end of their treatment. (Usually after radiotherapy but you know I like to be different)

I’ve never been a particularly anxious person although I have had the occasional panic attack. For days now I have felt that pang of anxiety, close to nausea, a heavy sense of melancholy and I burst into tears at the drop of a hat.

Being at the Christie makes me sad. We are all cancer patients and some of them will succumb to it. There is a beautiful garden in the centre but I can’t look at it because all I can feel or see is goodbyes.

It’s not possible to be fierce and fearless the whole way through. Especially when, in the last 2 years I’ve lost my mum and separated from my husband. I barely had time to process those before cancer caught me.

When I was first diagnosed I was surrounded by family and friends whenever I needed them. Now they have all got used to hearing ‘no, I’m good thanks’ in response to the ‘do you need anything?’ questions. So naturally everyone has left me to get in with it. That’s what I did, got on with it.

All I really want right now is my Mum.

So although I’ve nailed the pernicious little fe**er, the sun is shining and life is good, I’m sad.

And NO I DONT NEED YOU TO SEND ME HUGS!!! I don’t even need Idris Elba. This too shall pass. It’s just another thing to get through on the journey through cancer land!

Turns out I’m not superwoman. I am keeping the cape though!

09/06/2023

Reflection

It’s good news on the chemo front! Accepted onto to the trial which means no more chemo at home.

Farewell to the Phesgo Mule (you won’t be missed!)

So me and a green tea are under the stars being thankful for that!

Radiotherapy starts on Thursday. I thought the appointments would all be similar times. I couldn’t be more wrong. Whilst that may mean planning my time won’t be easy, I’m grateful for the opportunity. It means there is a 50% better chance that the fe**er won’t be back. I’ll have that.

👊 (are just fabulous)

30/04/2023

Be warned. The second pic is brutal. It’s my scars and it isn’t pretty.

I don’t care though. It’s reality.

Scarred. Bald. Alive.

Check your bumps.

It may not be pretty but it’s me and I’m still here. The journey wasn’t easy but I did it and I’m still here. I checked so I’m still here.

So there’s still a bit of treatment left but the worst is over.

If you are going through this - it’s ok. Just keep going.

24/04/2023

Surgery day! Thought this cloud looked a little like a soft bra so I’ll take that as a good sign of comfort and support! 😂

Happy that the visits to the Chemo ward are done. Whilst the staff were fabulous the days after were anything but!

Now focussed on the rehab after surgery. Not driving for 3 weeks will drive me up the wall and not being able to ride will be tougher. It’s all doing the job it was meant to do!

People ask am I worried or nervous about the surgery and the answer is no. I’m not in control - they are - so what’s the point in worrying? I’m more nervous about the next few days dealing with the aftermath but that too will pass!

I’m currently more focused on the fact I’ve not had ☕️ 😂

On another note my hair is starting to grow back (it’s just fluff on my head) but I’m most excited about my eyelashes!! They are only tiny stubby hairs but it’s a start! I’ve really missed them!!

See you on the other side!!

18/03/2023

Round 5 has definitely been easier! I haven’t missed the carboplatin one bit!!

I’ve still had side effects. But not for as long and not as rough!!

Last full chemo next Friday! The surgery on 24th April at the hospital round the corner! I could walk there (May not want to walk back 🤔)

I may actually get to go on the break I’ve planned for Easter. Not the full 2 weeks as I have gave a barrage of appointments on the Monday , Tuesday and Wednesday but 🤞🏼 I get to go for 10 days to Edinburgh and then up north!

In the meantime I get to spend time with this beauty who is always an absolute tonic. She is a joy to be around and absolutely 💯 the best therapy!!

I’ve spend some fabulous time with friends (the was the only evening I took pictures at!!)

Looking forward to more get togethers at Easter including some up north!

In other news I have hair that resembles a seal pup (grey and fluffy)!

23/02/2023

Had an evening call from my oncologist.

After 3 delays to chemo as my neutrophils weren’t up to scratch they have suggested they drop the carboplatin element of my chemo.

This is the nasty one I asked them to drop. The one the other oncologist said he wanted to keep me on.

So it’s a victory of sorts.

Hopefully my next chemo session won’t make quite as poorly. Fingers crossed!

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