24/08/2026
❤️
I had a meltdown this weekend and things felt different...
Serious meltdowns for me would consist of a fast heart rate, intense crying, my head straining, lots of tension and energy within my body and mostly, a lot of anger. It feels like you just want to hit and throw and scream.
Sometimes I shutdown - it's the same feeling but I just freeze and can't move or speak.
I feel so paralysed but also activated in these moments and it can feel like all the negative thoughts I have come smashing down on me. It's like I'm stuck in a dark room and there are echos of people saying the most awful things to me.
I don't want to be touched. I won't be spoken to. But this time, things were different.
Through the midst of my meltdown, I somehow let myself know that this is my body in fight or flight. This is how it feels for my nervous system to be completely activated and in overload. This isn't me being crazy. This isn't me being terrible. This is my nervous system saying I am so so overwhelmed and I don't know what's going on.
That realisation was very calming to me. It was the voice I needed to say that what I was experiencing is okay and it will go away. My partner put my projector on for me, got me some water and took my pyjamas out. He didn't interfere, but he created an environment that was soothing for my system.
But, I knew I needed to get out of the house. My nervous system needed fresh air and a feeling of freedom. I didn't want to feel trapped. So I went out and I went to the gym at midnight. I didn't work out, but it was completely quiet and I rolled a mat out and laid down.
I stretched and all the energy I had built up, released. By the time I got home, I just wanted a cuddle and my room was perfect.
The next day I knew I needed to decompress. I went to a nice national trust property (my partners mum got me a membership!) and I relaxed.
You can't always avoid meltdowns. But we can learn to approach them with gentleness and understanding. ❤️