07/09/2016
(This will be my last stomachless blog post - Natty you will be happy! Blogging has been a huge help for me and I recommend anyone about to go through this to do it, whether it be a private or public blog, you don't realise how far you've come until you read something back! I will keep this page open for anyone who's had a TG/the CDH1 gene to contact me. I may post in the future when the time comes to deal with the fact I'm at an increase risk of getting breast cancer too - I don't have to worry about that for another 4 years yet though!)
1 year ago tomorrow I was about to embark on the hardest 8 months of my life. I was SO prepared. I had known about this gene since I was 18, I knew one day I would need to get my stomach removed. I had got all the relevant medical information from professionals, I got all the relevant information from people who had it done before and I had everyone around me supporting me. I couldn't be any more prepared! However nothing, and I mean nothing, could prepare me for what was about to happen. I went from a fit and healthy 24 year old to what felt like being on deaths door over night.
The hardest part of this whole journey wasn't the physical pain but it was the emotional pain. I can honestly say I went into deep depression. I went from being the life and soul of the party to crying with exhaustion from just washing my hair. I watched all of my friends go out, I watched them upload photos on Facebook and I was seriously jealous. I'd go to the shops (which was a huge outing for me) and I'd get jealous of the people walking round not struggling. I was jealous of my work friends being at work. I was jealous of everyone for doing the most simple things. I started grieving my old life and when you're in that situation, no matter how many times people say you're going to get better, you just can't see it. I had my operation in September and for the first 4 months I continued to get worse. I'd sleep all day everyday, I hated food although I know I needed to eat to get better, my bile continued to get worse, I was dehydrated, I got sick over everything and I cried every single day. The lowest point was around November, my husband was at the top of the stairs, I got half way up the stairs and had to sit down because I just had no energy to get to the top. I cried my eyes out, broke down and told him that our lives were going to change, that maybe I wouldn't get better and the one thing which I'd never be able to do again is go V festival (for anyone who knows me I LOVE going V festival!!) And that we'd need to accept that I wouldn't be able to do all the things I once loved doing.
However Xmas came and things started to get better!!! 2016 has been a whole lot different to what the ending of 2015 was. My husband, family & friends got me through the hardest time of my life so far. After 6 months I went back to work, I started going out at the weekends again, I started drinking alcohol, eating cakes, I joined the gym again, started running and going to exercise classes. My diary started filling up and before I knew it my life was back!!! If anything, I enjoy my life even more now than I did before, I appreciate everything and I am so thankful to be able to do all the things I can do. There is nothing which I did with a stomach that I now can't do without a stomach. I went to v festival!!! (I camped for the whole 3 days, drank alcohol everyday, cried because I was so happy and danced around like a loon...just like I always have done!) I go on weekends away, nights out, we've been Ibiza, seasides, London trips, Butlins 90s weekend is coming up - I have plans and do something every week and I can honestly say I love my life!! 2016 has been one of the best years of my life so far. I'm seriously so lucky to be surrounded by such amazing, supportive and caring people!
Do I regret getting my stomach removed? If you asked me at the beginning I would of said yes. Now, not at all! I am thankful to be alive. My Mum wasn't so lucky and I wish she was here living without a stomach like me, however I just need to live my life the way she would of wanted me to. Life with a stomach is definitely way easier, I can't sleep flat, I get bile all the bloody time, I get sick if I eat too much cheese or sweet things (my too much is way smaller than the average person too much), I get ridiculously tired close to needing my b12 shot, I don't have the energy I used to have but these are all tiny things which I can live with! My aunt gave me the best advice before surgery, she said I needed to take time to learn my body again. Everybody who has this operation is SO different, there isn't one of us who has the same outcome, however we've all had to learn our body again and look at what works for each of us individually.
I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone who was there for me throughout this whole experience. I couldn't of got through it without you. Harper, my family and my friends - I appreciate every single one of you and I appreciate how lucky I am in life to be able to do all the wonderful things I do!
