18/06/2026
Some of the most common thinking traps I hear from children and teenagers involves words such as everyone, everything, always, never and can’t.
‘Everyone is bullying me’
‘All the teachers hate me’
‘I’ll never be able to do that’
When young people are upset, these words often reflect how they are feeling rather than what is actually happening.
Thoughts not facts 🙌🏻
That doesn’t mean we dismiss what they are telling us.
There may be a genuine problem sitting underneath the big statement that truly needs our attention.
But if we always take the fixed words at face value, we will miss the real story.
When a child says, ‘Everyone is teasing me’, it may actually be a particular group of children or even just one child.
When they say, ‘All the teachers pick on me’ it may only be one teacher they are struggling with. They need our support, but not extra drama.
When they say, ‘I’ll never be able to do it’, they are usually talking about how difficult it feels right now, not what the future actually holds - as none of us can tell the future!
The brain naturally looks for certainty when emotions are running high. Unfortunately, words like everyone, always, and never can make a situation feel bigger, more permanent and more overwhelming than it really is.
One of the most helpful things we can do as adults is gently slow the conversation down and become curious.
‘Who specifically are you talking about here - can you list them?’
‘It there a time something different happened?’
‘Did that happen both yesterday and today?’
As the story becomes more accurate, it often becomes more manageable.
The emotional part of the brain starts to settle, allowing the thinking part of the brain to get back involved.
Not all thoughts are facts, and not every feeling tells the whole story.
Part of our role as parents, carers and educators is not simply to listen, but to gently challenge unhelpful thinking when we hear it.
Not by arguing, dismissing or minimising a child’s experience, but by helping them separate feelings from facts and assumptions from evidence.
When we help children move from keveryone’ to ‘some people’, from ‘never’ to ‘not yet’, and from ‘I can’t’ to ‘I’m finding this difficult’, we help them see situations more clearly, think more calmly … and ‘everyone’ can respond more effectively. ☺️
