01/06/2026
When someone you love is diagnosed with dementia, you’re told support is out there. And it is, in theory.
The reality can feel very different.
I contacted the Alzheimer’s Society. In eighteen months after my mum’s diagnosis, nobody visited her at home. I looked into Dementia UK and Admiral Nurses, none available in her area. A dementia nurse from the local hospice came out once, just before mum’s final hospital admission. The gaps were everywhere.
I tried Rochdale Carers for support for myself. I was told they couldn’t help because my mum doesn’t live in the same area as me. A geographical boundary between me and support.
And throughout all of it, every professional, every referral, every new service, I was repeating myself. Because their systems don’t talk to each other. Nobody has the full picture. You become the filing cabinet, the case manager, the advocate, all while already running on empty.
The adult care system has gaps that are swallowing people whole. And the carers falling through them are often too exhausted to shout about it.
I’m one of the lucky ones. Good friends, a supportive family, and I was already on a healing journey, I knew the things that soothe my nervous system. And even then the hits kept coming. There have been times when I’ve had to put the tools down and pause.
So I think about the ones who don’t have that. The ones doing this completely alone, with no map and no one checking in.
How many more are there, falling through the cracks with no support at all?
If that’s you, I see you. And I’m glad you’re here. There’s a couple of pages here I’ve found really helpful especially for these late stages, I’ll tag in this post.
With love from Rosemary Cottage 🌿💛
