24/01/2026
Iāve been quiet and now I need to explain why. Itās taken me days to write mentally and physically Iāve just not had the words I just cannot wait for the day Iām healthy again.
The last part of my life has been spent in and out of hospital, my body breaking down while answers felt painfully out of reach. Endless tests. Scans. Bloods. Waiting. Watching my health deteriorate while still being told very little.
Living inside a body that no longer works properly is terrifying.
Living inside that body without answers is unbearable.
Pain that moves around my body without warning. The pain I cannot explain words just donāt cut it, truly at times Iāve not wanted to be here, enough was enough.
A nervous system constantly misfiring. Paralysis of my face and not even able to get words out properly.
Crushing exhaustion that sleep doesnāt touch.
Brain fog so heavy it feels like Iām disappearing inside my own head.
Borrelia (Lyme disease) doesnāt just make you tired. I canāt ever repay my infectious disease team and the labs down in Salisbury enough they never give up and promised me they would find out what was slowly destroying me.
It attacks the nervous system, joints, muscles, hormones and energy at a cellular level. It steals mobility, clarity, independence and slowly forces your life to shrink.
Tuesday, after months of decline, hospital stays, fear, and sheer exhaustion I finally got the answers me and my family have been desperately needing.
Validation. Relief. A name for what has been tearing through my body.
Proof this wasnāt weakness, wasnāt in my head, and wasnāt me failing to cope.
Iāve now started three weeks of intensive treatment antibiotics and antiviral medication five times a day. Itās brutal, itās relentless, and itās necessary.
More bloods have been taken and sent off to Salisbury to be grown again, because this infection doesnāt always show itself easily. It hides. It evades. And it has to be chased properly.
The fight isnāt over but now we know what weāre fighting.
So if Iāve been quiet, itās because:
⢠Iāve been trying to stay upright
⢠Managing constant pain
⢠Regulating a body stuck in fight-or-flight
⢠Getting through treatment one dose at a time
Quiet doesnāt mean Iāve disappeared.
Quiet means Iāve been fighting the hardest battle of my life and believe me itās been the hardest time i canāt get my head around it at times.
Iām still here.
Still fighting.
And now finally moving forward with answers and a plan. Maybe bed bound for another month but Iām not loosing the plot anymore. I believe Iāve had this in me a long time I just cannot exactly say or pinpoint when I got exposed to the bacteria š¦
If youāre silently battling an invisible illness, please know this:
You are not weak. You are not imagining it. And you deserve to be believed and my best advice for what itās worth DONT GIVE UP because at times I seriously was ready to. I think this has been the hardest battle Iāve fought in my life. Iām very much determined to exist outside my bed but for the time being the next 2 weeks itās a must.
Much love ā¤ļø
Me