07/09/2026
SEN or not?
One of the questions people ask me most often is:
“How did you choose between SEN school and mainstream?”
And rightly so. Your child is only 4 years old when you’re expected to make this huge decision.
Add in doctors telling you, “They’re only young, give them a chance,” and suddenly you’re left wondering…
Do I trust my GP, or do I trust my gut?
I can’t — and never would — tell another parent which route to choose. Every child is different.
All I can do is tell you what happened with Walt, what I got wrong, and what I wish I’d known then.
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Even though it was blatantly obvious Walt was autistic, he was diagnosed at 3 years old — which, these days, generally only happens that young when things are particularly profound or obvious.
But even with a diagnosis, it took me a LONG time to come to terms with calling my child disabled.
And accepting that he might need a specialist SEN school?
That took even longer.
So I completely understand why parents who don’t even have a diagnosis yet aren’t thinking about SEN schools. You’re probably thinking:
“I’ll give them a chance in mainstream first.”
I sure as hell did.
And that was WITH a diagnosis.
Not every autistic child needs a specialist school, and that’s brilliant. Some children absolutely thrive in mainstream with the right support.
You have to find what works for your child.
And that’s exactly why this decision is so bloody complicated.
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Before Walt was diagnosed, he’d already been through a mountain of health problems, operations, allergies, hospital appointments and absolutely horrific sleep.
Doctors told us that, because of everything he’d been through, perhaps he just hadn’t had the chance to develop yet.
“Give him time.”
So we did.
We decided to hold Walt back a school year. He was a late summer baby, and we applied to the council for him to have another year in nursery.
We were accepted.
And honestly?
It gave us some much-needed breathing space.
It felt completely bizarre to me that I was being expected to make all these enormous decisions about my tiny little boy while simultaneously being told to give him time.
So I did what any overthinking mother would do…
I visited EVERY SCHOOL I COULD FIND.
Specialist schools.
Mainstream schools.
Everything.
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I had my heart set on a little mainstream school in Easington.
They were absolutely lovely.
They listened to me, they understood Walt, and they even told me they would employ a whole new person specifically for him once his EHCP came through.
His very own 1:1.
I thought:
This is it.
I also visited a school that was half mainstream and half SEN, with the children able to access both sides depending on their needs.
I loved the idea.
But Walt had severe allergies and they kept hamsters in the classroom in the early years.
And, if I’m completely honest, even some of the children on the SEN side seemed much more capable than Walt was at that point.
Then there were the Durham specialist schools.
And I’m going to say this plainly:
I was not impressed.
I still believe SEN provision across the UK is nowhere near where it should be, and Durham was certainly not where I wanted it to be for Walt.
That’s probably another blog in itself though. 😂
The schools felt too big.
Too overwhelming.
Different ages, different disabilities and completely different levels of ability all lumped together.
One school literally showed me the outdoor area and said:
“This is their outdoor area.”
Like they were showing me a bloody kennel.
Another told me that Walt’s EpiPens would be kept locked in an office miles away from his classroom for “safety”.
Then there were unrealistic expectations of Walt from people who hadn’t even met him.
So I decided to look out of area.
At that point, I wasn’t even thinking about the battle that would come with that.
I simply knew:
I hadn’t found where Walt fitted yet.
So I kept looking.
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I looked at Sunderland next because it was towards where I worked and only about 20 minutes down the motorway.
And by this point, my dream of mainstream was slowly slipping away.
I lost SO much sleep over this decision.
I worried:
“If Walt goes to SEN school, will he make friends?”
I imagined children who couldn’t talk like him, couldn’t play like him, and I convinced myself that mainstream children would naturally be more likely to accept him.
I was wrong.
And, looking back, I was being stupid.
Walt could make friends anywhere.
He didn’t need a mainstream school for that.
I worried he would copy behaviours.
That he would see meltdowns, biting or hitting and somehow start doing them himself.
Again…
I was wrong.
He could see those behaviours in mainstream too.
And, considering Walt has never really been able to copy other people’s behaviour anyway, I was worrying about something that simply wasn’t going to happen.
And then there was my biggest worry:
“What if I don’t give him a chance in mainstream and he would actually be fine?”
I felt guilty about that for a LONG time.
And yep…
You guessed it.
I was wrong again.
Walt needed SEN school.
More than anything.
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I looked around four specialist schools in Sunderland and two of them stood out immediately.
And I remember thinking:
“Oh my God. They’re all little Walts.”
They were lovely.
They were interested in the world around them in their own ways.
They were stimming.
They were communicating in their own ways.
And most importantly…
They looked HAPPY.
They weren’t expected to sit at a desk all day and learn in a way that simply didn’t make sense to them.
The focus was on preparing them for life.
Waiting in a queue.
Making a cup of tea.
Learning independence.
Learning real-life skills.
Things that could genuinely help them later.
Rather than sitting at a desk trying to teach Walt that 1 + 1 = 2 when, in Walt’s world, it quite literally might not add up to 2.
And I knew.
That day I knew.
Walt needed specialist education.
And I was devastated.
I had dreamt of my little boy going to school.
I had pictured it.
I had imagined it.
And suddenly that picture had been smashed into a million pieces.
But eventually I realised something…
Those were MY dreams.
MY expectations.
They had nothing to do with what Walt actually needed.
I was being selfish.
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Right around the time I had finally made my decision, I knew there was going to be a fight.
So we prepared for court.
The headteacher told me:
“You will never get him in here.”
My response?
“I’ll see you in September.”
😂
At the same time, Walt had a massive anaphylactic shock at nursery and was unable to return.
Durham allocated him a place at a Durham specialist school once his diagnosis and EHCP came through.
I declined it.
And started the fight.
Walt spent a whole year at home because Durham couldn’t find somewhere that met his needs.
Yet I was going to court because I had found somewhere that could meet his needs…
…but he couldn’t attend because it was out of area.
The whole thing was absolutely ridiculous.
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Fast forward to now.
Walt is in Year 4 at that school.
He’s even in a class specifically designed for calmer children like him.
He is loved beyond compare.
He loves going in.
He is happy.
He is challenged every day, but he is challenged in the right way.
Something he is ready for.
Not something designed for a class of 30 children with completely different needs.
Being there removes so many of the things he simply wouldn’t cope with in a mainstream environment.
And instead, he gets the support he actually needs.
I still have a million hopes and wishes for Walt.
Nothing is perfect.
But as the years have gone by, I can say with absolute certainty:
We made the right choice.
If we’d sent Walt to mainstream, I genuinely believe he would have struggled enormously and we would eventually have been fighting to get him out.
But…
That isn’t everyone’s story.
If your child can talk, read, write, copy, communicate or manage a mainstream environment with the right support, they may absolutely thrive there.
And that’s the point.
There is no one-size-fits-all answer.
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So if you’re sitting in that little boat right now, desperately wondering which decision is best…
Here’s what I would say.
1. Stop making the decision based on what is easiest for YOU.
And I know that sounds brutal.
But if your child needs more than the average school can offer, don’t choose the school on your doorstep simply because it’s convenient.
It might be easier to walk to.
It might be easier to drive to.
It might be easier for your work.
But if your child isn’t coping or isn’t happy there, you’re going to know about it every single day.
Choose what works for them.
2. Go and look yourself.
Don’t take my word for it.
Don’t take your friend’s word for it.
Don’t take the council’s word for it.
GO.
Walk through the doors.
Look at the children.
Look at the staff.
Look at the environment.
And when you find the right place…
You’ll know.
3. Don’t be afraid to think outside the box.
Home education.
Part-time education.
A different type of school.
Out-of-area provision.
Whatever works for your child.
Don’t assume the conventional route is automatically the right route.
Your child is different.
So their education might need to be different too.
And if you have to fight every council officer, government department and specialist involved…
FIGHT.
If there is anything worth fighting for, it’s this.
4. And finally…
DO. NOT. BELIEVE. EVERYTHING. YOU. ARE. TOLD.
I have been told:
“You MUST choose by this date or you’ll lose your chance.”
“He can’t go to that school because it will cost too much in transport.”
“There are no spaces.”
“If it’s named on the EHCP, you can’t change it.”
“We don’t do school viewings.”
“Your child cannot go to a Sunderland school.”
“You MUST put down three choices.”
“You MUST put at least one Durham school.”
“You MUST put homeschooling if none of the above are suitable.”
And my answer to all of those now is:
NO.
No.
No.
No.
And keep saying no.
Gather your evidence.
Know your child’s needs.
Keep asking questions.
And fight for what you know your child needs.
Because every single one of those things was said to me at some point to make me stop trying.
I didn’t.
And I’m so glad I didn’t.
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And finally…
If you’re reading this and you’re in that horrible position right now, wondering whether you’re making the right choice…
You will.
You know your child better than anyone.
And you are allowed to change your mind.
You’re allowed to try mainstream and later decide it isn’t right.
You’re allowed to choose SEN from the beginning.
You’re allowed to ask for something different.
You’re allowed to fight.
And you’re allowed to be scared sh*tless while doing it. 😂❤️
I’m always here if anyone has questions or needs help navigating the absolute minefield that is SEN education.
You’ll make the right choice for you and yours.
And honestly?
That’s all that matters.
❤️
