31/05/2026
A week ago I was standing in my garden covered in paint after my new sprayer exploded.
My daughter was poorly in bed.
My son was at my parents.
As I was stood alone covered in paint I felt so incredibly lonely. I could hear families in their gardens having fun, kids playing and the smell of BBQ was in the air.
Memories came flooding back of my old life. Bank Holiday weekends where we would have been doing the exact same.
I felt overwhelmed with sadness, jealousy and anger. The sense of loneliness was not the kind of lonely that another person can necessarily fix because it was the kind that comes from missing someone, something.
I missed Chris.
I missed my old life.
I missed having my person.
So I did what grief has taught me to do.
I paid attention to what I needed.
I needed the sea.
I needed space.
I needed to hear the waves.
I needed somewhere that felt connected to him.
I needed to do something that brings me joy.
The sadness was still there.
But so was this.
Amazing sunsets.
Watching the moon rise.
A nervous system that finally exhaled.
Grief has taught me that joy doesn’t always find us.
Sometimes we have to go looking for it.
Sometimes we can alter our perspective by simply doing something different. I could have stayed in the overwhelm of grief and feeling lonely, in the darkness. But I chose to chase the light, seek out joy and do what I knew would help me and nervous system.
What’s your go to when you’re feeling overwhelmed by your grief?
