10/03/2025
โ๐ ๐ธ๐ช๐ด๐ฉ ๐ช๐ต ๐ค๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐จ๐ฐ ๐ฃ๐ข๐ค๐ฌ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐จ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ,โ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ข๐ช๐ฅ ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐ข ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฌ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฆ๐บ๐ฆ๐ด. โ๐๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ท๐ช๐ฏ๐จ. ๐๐ญ๐ธ๐ข๐บ๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ฎ๐ฆ. ๐๐ต ๐ซ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ง๐ฆ๐ญ๐ต ๐จ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฅ, ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฌ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ธ.โ
My client describes her frustration about her relationship. She was just broken up with by her ex.
โ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐จ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ?โ ๐ ๐ข๐ด๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฅ. โ๐๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐จ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฅ?โ
She thought for a while, and when she finally spoke, something had already shifted in her.
โ๐๐ฏ ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ด๐ต๐บ, ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ญ๐ข๐ด๐ต๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ฎ๐ข๐บ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ต๐ฉ๐ด, ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฑ๐ข๐ด๐ต ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ข ๐ฉ๐ข๐ญ๐ง ๐บ๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ๐ด, ๐ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐จ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ง๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ญ ๐ญ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ข๐จ๐ข๐ช๐ฏ.โ
Her now ex-boyfriend has broken up with her recently. I have been working with this client for a while now, and she has always expressed frustration over his lack of communication. When they were together, it felt good, and they felt connected. But initiating contact always came from her. He was short and dismissive in his communication (mostly over text; he did not like to call), and he never took the initiative to communicate or to hang out together.
My client and I have been working on her anxiety that is triggered by his behavior.
โ๐ ๐ฆ๐ด๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฅ๐ข๐บ, ๐ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฅ ๐ข ๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ด๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ค๐ข๐ญ๐ญ ๐ง๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฎ ๐ฉ๐ช๐ฎ, ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ญ๐ถ๐ฆ! ๐๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ค๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฉ๐ช๐ฎ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ค๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ค๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ช๐ง ๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ค๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฎ๐ฆ, ๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ข๐ช๐ฅ ๐ช๐ต ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ข ๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ต๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ. ๐๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ถ๐จ๐ฉ๐ต ๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ด๐ต ๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ฌ๐ฆ๐บ๐ด ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ข๐ด๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ช๐ง ๐ ๐ฎ๐ข๐บ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฅ ๐ข ๐ด๐ฑ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ.โ
She starts to sound angry now. Typical avoidant-attachment behavior, I think.
โ๐๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ฃ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ๐ค๐ณ๐ถ๐ฎ๐ฃ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ,โ I tell her.
First, he broke up with you in a text message, and since you never responded (we worked on her response in therapy by not responding), he is now reaching out to get your attention. When you did not respond to his message, you changed the dynamic. He is not used to you not responding. So now, he is trying to get your attention.
My client understands, and for the rest of the session, we work on the triggers from her side that contribute to this dynamic in her relationship.
This is a good example of the anxious-attached girlfriend and the avoidant-attached boyfriend. During the session, we focus on finding the root cause of her anxious attachment style.
Most of us grow up with a disturbed attachment style. In adulthood, we are responsible for working on our attachment style and turning it into a secure attachment. How? By being aware of how we respond to others in our relationships. This applies to friendships but is most evident in our intimate relationships.
Our attachment style indicates what we believe when it comes to being loved.
Do we feel we need to make a lot of effort to attract attention from our partner? This could indicate an anxious attachment style.
Do we feel that our partner is overbearing and suffocating, but also deep down believe we are not deserving of their love? This could indicate an avoidant attachment style.
A secure attachment style is within reach for everyone. Become aware of the patterns in your relationships and how they make you feel. What choices do you make?
The best thing you can do is take some time for yourselfโjust being alone, hanging out with yourself, making yourself happy. When you find that love within, anyone who comes into your life will be a healthy addition to your already great company. You stop needing validation from others because you know your worth.
Would you like to know more about your attachment style? Or do you already know this is something you need to work on? Please reach out to us and see if we can help.
Attachment styles are one of the topics covered in our residential mental recovery program.
Healing in luxury. The Reset that you need.
www.theresetbali.com
