12/10/2026
With Finley’s second birthday coming up, I’ve found myself getting a little more emotional about things I usually try not to think too much about…
One of the hardest parts of being a medically complex mom is learning how to celebrate every little milestone while also grieving the ones you thought would have happened by now.
Finley still isn’t walking independently. She can walk with assistance, and we’re SO proud of how hard she works, but we’re just not there yet.
When she turned one, it was always “she’ll walk when she’s ready.” And at the time, I really believed that. I figured she’d get there eventually.
As the months went on, we knew she needed some extra help. We had evaluations through Early On and PT, OT, and speech at the hospital. Unfortunately, she only got to have one full Early On session before being admitted to the hospital indefinitely while waiting for a new heart.
Suddenly, walking wasn’t the priority anymore. Keeping her heart going was.
But somewhere in the back of my mind, I had this little goal I never really said out loud. I just hoped she’d be walking by her second birthday.
And now, with October 29th getting closer, it’s hitting me that we probably won’t be there.
I remember being pregnant with Finley and being so excited that she had a cousin only five months older than her. I pictured them growing up together, running around, playing, and getting into everything. And of course, I imagined Lincoln having a little sister who would be running around playing with him by now, too.
Lincoln has asked me so many times over the last year, “When is Finley going to walk?” And for the longest time, my answer was always “soon!”
But eventually, that answer turned into “I’m not really sure, buddy. She’s just not ready yet.”
And I think that’s one of the harder parts of all of this. Realizing that even as her mom, I don’t always have the answers.
The kids still play together, and they have their own special relationships. They aren’t sitting around worrying about milestones or timelines. That’s something I carry as her mom.
Sometimes it’s hard just being out in public and seeing other toddlers her age walking around, climbing on things, jumping, or simply exploring the world around them. Things that probably wouldn’t have even crossed my mind when Lincoln was that age. It’s not jealousy, and I wouldn’t wish anything different for those children. It’s just that little ache of wondering when, or even if, Finley will get to experience those same things.
I hope with everything in me that she will. But the reality is, we don’t know exactly what her future development will look like. And that scares me.
Having Lincoln first, I experienced raising a child without medical complexities. I never realized how many everyday experiences I took for granted until I watched Finley have to work so much harder for them.
I don’t want a different child. I wouldn’t change a thing about who Finley is. I just wish some things could be easier for her. I worry about her feeling left behind as the other kids continue to grow and do things she can’t quite do yet.
I’m usually pretty good at pushing these thoughts aside, but every once in a while they catch up to me. Especially right now!
I’m NOT sharing this for sympathy or because I need someone to tell me everything will be okay.
I never wanted this page to be just medical updates or pictures of Finley smiling. I want to share the parts of this life that aren’t always easy to talk about, too.
Because I know there are other medical parents out there who have these same thoughts but feel guilty saying them out loud.
You can be incredibly thankful for your child and still grieve the milestones that haven’t come. You can celebrate every little accomplishment and still worry about the future. You can love your life and still have moments where everything feels unfair!
You don’t always have to be positive. You don’t always have to find the bright side, and you definitely don’t have to pretend that everything is okay all the time.
Sometimes it’s just nice knowing that somebody else gets it. 🫂
🩺👧🏼💜
