Brilliant Aging

08/20/2025

02/24/2023

A recent liveBrilliant post focused on recognizing and honoring time as a finite commodity and precious gift.

That message took on a stark new meaning when over the past week my husband and I lost a close family friend very suddenly and unexpectedly, and the 35-year-old son of another close
friend had a heart attack.

I know you have all experienced those moments in time that change everything.

Suddenly you’re filled with the absolute knowledge that the sayings on calendars - “live every day to the fullest; all that matters is love; live simply. love generously. care deeply. speak kindly; etc.” -
really are pearls of wisdom.

Priorities are so clear in that moment and then gradually as the shock subsides and things return to “normal”, that newfound clarity fades into the background.

I know it’s a natural coping mechanism because living in that heightened state of awareness can be exhausting.

But I want to release the angst and keep that renewed inner knowledge that time is a precious gift to use wisely.

And I want to consciously give thanks for the good people in my life; first by elevating that to the top of my list, then by following it up with action.

For that reason, I’m pushing pause on the weekly liveBrilliant emails for the next 4-6 weeks as I devote time to being there for both families in ways I can’t while juggling so many professional
projects.

I immediately called my friend, life-coach Teresa Beshwate, for advice on how to support my newly widowed friend.

She has turned her personal tragedy of being widowed at age 39 into a mission to help others navigate that road.

Her book Life Reconstructed and journal article, The impact of widowhood – how to support well-being for these men and women are both excellent resources.

She also recommended the following organizations for people who are dealing with personal loss or supporting others through a loss

I’ll be back. I really do enjoy connecting with you in this way – contemplating, writing, and receiving your thoughts in response.

In the meantime, be well and make time to let the people in your life know what they truly mean to you.

As always visit our Brilliant Aging blog for uplifting wellness resources.

Look for the book and all resource links in the comments. 👇

02/15/2023

Cultivating a positive aging mindset throughout your full lifespan has been proven to impact both longevity and quality of daily life.

However, internalized perceptions of aging also dramatically impact your ability to recover from acute illness or injury.

One really eye-opening Harvard University study demonstrated that people with a positive aging mindset were 44% more likely to recover fully from a severe illness or injury than those with a negative aging mindset.

This research became really personal last year when my husband and I went through a bout with Covid.

The illness and relentless fatigue was physically exhausting but we also had to consciously push back against the constant media attention on worst-case outcomes.

After 3 weeks and several false starts (tromping through the snow to feed horses and then ending up back in bed) it became obvious how easy it would be to allow this health set-back to become a new health set-point.

Out of necessity, we had become very sedentary and it took conscious effort, lots of self-talk, and consistent action each day to prevent this new pattern from becoming a lifestyle habit, and to avoid internalizing psychological doubt about our ability to recover fully.

Responding to health challenges is a very individual process and no-one can determine what’s right for you.

However, when facing challenges, carefully consider whether you’re making conscious choices or succumbing to subconscious negative programming.

One strategy is to deliberately evaluate if “survival mode” strategies ingrained during a health crisis are supporting or hindering your long-term recovery. Another is to reboot a mindset and expectation of making the fullest recovery possible.

I love this book, "How your beliefs about aging determine how long and well you live" by Becca Levy! It's an excellent resource on the relationship between the mind-body connection and health outcomes throughout life.

You'll find the link to the book in the comments below.

02/10/2023

I love this image originally posted by Growing Bolder.

It reflects a universal truth; that time is a precious commodity - one that we intuitively know is limited.

Yet we often fail to internalize and live this knowledge daily.

Why is it so easy to let time slip away with no thought to its true value? Would consciously cataloging how we spend our hours, days, weeks, and months help us embrace time as a finite resource and gift?

What if someone was assigned to observe and catalog how you habitually spend your time and energy every day for a month; then issue a report defining what appears to be your most important values?

Let’s say it’s an alien from another planet (just for fun) so there is no judgment about what you’re doing – just how time spent reflects what’s important to you.

I’m afraid an alien observer might report back that humans in general, appear to worship rectangles of different sizes – spending hours holding and studying one or sitting and staring intently at a large one in the evenings?

What would your observer report as the highest priorities in your life: relationships, physical movement, your indoor environment, the outdoors, various-sized rectangles?

For me, this realization triggered a desire to take a closer look at how to embrace the gift of time simply by eliminating things that habitually use time without giving anything of value in return.

Be your own observer to catalog how exactly you’re spending your time.

Then identify a block of time that isn’t serving you well and consciously replace it with something that better reflects your values.

Call a friend rather than cruising social media.

Take a short walk or stretch break rather than letting low energy after work push you onto the couch for the night.

Consider sharing your observations with a friend - someone who can be an accountability buddy as you shift your relationship with time.

02/03/2023

I’m still thinking about the difference between finding or creating yourself through daily thoughts and actions.

Research exploring the value of living with passion describes two different mindsets.

A fixed mindset believing we are born with innate passions and interests, and a growth mindset rooted in the belief that passion and interests are developed over time.

Which one better describes your mindset about passion and purpose?

I know people who can immediately answer the question “what are you passionate about?”, and others who feel almost frozen by the question – wait, wait, I should know this!

To get a better handle on creating a life of passion and purpose, start paying close attention to the overall rhythm of your life.

If you generally feel energized or in a state of “flow” – where time flies and energy multiplies - then you’re very likely leveraging your unique strengths and gifts in daily life.

However, if the demands of everyday life at work and home have created more of an unintentional lifestyle inertia - one that propels you from day to day with little joy or enthusiasm - it’s time to re-evaluate.

Start paying close attention to the things both large and small that feel energizing.

Do certain tasks consistently put you in a state of positive flow while other tasks seem to suck the life out of you – leaving you drained of energy and motivation.

What about people? How much of your day is spent around those who are emotionally uplifting versus draining?

In a perfect world we could choose to only spend time on energizing tasks or with energizing people.

But in the real world we can at least pay attention to what ignites motivation and sparks flow, or drains energy and feels like struggling against a current.

Edit whatever you can by either changing your exposure to these tasks or people, or by consciously changing your perception of them. Then seek every opportunity, even in small ways, to tip the scale towards more positive thoughts and experiences - towards flow.

One of my favorite sources for inspiring stories and thoughts about aging with purpose and passion is an organization called Growing Bolder. Check them out here: https://growingbolder.com/

And as always, I invite you to visit Brilliant Aging for practical tools on creating your life of intention: https://www.brilliantaging.com/ignite-personal-vitality

01/27/2023

I always enjoy the inspirational quotes and sayings on my Good Earth tea bags in the morning.

A great cup of tea and life lessons on a little square of paper – what’s not to like! This one about creating self really hit home.

I think back to all the times I would ask myself, “what is my purpose, who am I supposed to be, what path should I take”?

And it wasn’t until I was in my 50’s that I finally realized that for me it wasn’t something preordained - something I had to strive to find. It was whatever path I choose.

For better or worse I was creating myself through daily thoughts and actions.

So, the question for today is, what “self” are you creating with deposits and withdrawals in each dimension of wellness?

What self are you creating physically, socially, and emotionally through your habits compounded over time?

What self are you nurturing spiritually, intellectually, and vocationally?

Are you waiting for a point in time or a certain milestone or goal to truly live the life you want to live, to create and nurture the self you want to build?

Another quote I love is from a young lady who performed on America’s Got Talent.

When asked about her terminal cancer diagnosis and why she was there she said; “you can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore to decide to be happy.”

What more is there to say?

Don’t wait until life is perfect, your choices are all inspired, your behaviors match your intentions, you’ve met all your goals, you’re “good enough,” etc. to decide to be happy.

Do your best to live with intention and embrace joy along the way.


Brene’ Brown is a great resource on living with intention, connection, and expanding your understanding of self.

Check out her Ted Talk on the Power of Vulnerability here. She’s a powerhouse – this talk has received over 60 million views: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability?language=en

01/24/2023

Join me on Thursday, January 26th for an International Council on Active Aging webinar on preparing residents to be successful in senior living!

In this webinar, we will:

- Discuss how preparing residents in advance to adopt a mindset of well-being, and mutual social support can impact community culture, census, and referrals.

- Identify specific strategies that help residents across the care continuum embrace a mindset of well-being, regardless of health challenges.

- Describe a deliberate process to empower new residents with the social/emotional skills necessary to thrive in and support a genuine sense of community.

Presenter: Kay Van Norman, President of Brilliant Aging and Advisory Board Member for ICAA
Thursday, January 26, 2022.
Time: 1:00 p.m.—2:00 p.m. EDT.

Click here for registration info: https://lnkd.in/eAEpfX2

01/20/2023

It’s the middle of January – already! In past posts, we’ve discussed drawing a wellness wheel to reveal how balanced your life is between the physical, social, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and vocational dimensions of well-being.

We also described how consistently taking small steps towards larger goals in each dimension helps form a habit of action.

One dimension that took a real hit during the lockdowns and working at home is social well-being.

I’m not going to pretend it isn’t awesome to work in pajamas sometimes, but social isolation has been proven to be very harmful to overall health.

Researchers seeking the secrets to longevity around the world identified five Blue Zones (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6125071/) where people routinely live to be 100+ years-old, largely without chronic conditions, and identified nine commonalities. Three of those nine relate to having strong social networks.

Often habit rather than choice is responsible for many wellness “withdrawals" - like social isolation.

It may take conscious thought and effort to shift from isolation toward more positive social habits.

Consider what you’re doing on a regular basis to truly nurture positive relationships with family and friends – even with people you come in contact with casually throughout your days.

If your social interactions are dominated by negative observations about your job or the state of the world, deliberately seek out positive thoughts, attitudes, and interactions and share those with friends to help balance the scales.

Don’t be surprised if you realize that some relationships are sustained primarily through shared frustrations and negative drama!

As your perspective changes and you seek to build more strong positive relationships, these drama-charged relationships will either change with you or
fall away.

Grab our article from Growing Bolder to continue to stay inspired and turn positive intentions into action: https://www.brilliantaging.com/kays-publications/

01/11/2023

Creating intentions and setting goals are great first steps to shifting away from bad habits that pull us back into comfortable routines.

To bridge the gap between intentions and actions, start with small, consistent changes that you can sustain for one week.

This could include taking the stairs instead of the elevator, standing up while talking on the phone, or performing physical activity every hour on the hour.

Small exercise 'deposits' like chair crunches, ankle circles, or reach and squeeze to help with posture. (in the video we shared below) can add up over time and help you form healthy habits that support your physical dimension of wellness.

Visit the Brilliant Aging blog for more wellness inspiration: https://www.brilliantaging.com/kays-blog

This is "Vitality Spotlights® - Reach & Squeeze" by kay van norman on Vimeo, the home for high quality videos and the people who love them.

01/04/2023

If improved health is one of your 2023 goals, take a moment to consider how balanced your life is in all areas of well-being.

It’s helpful to visualize well-being as a Wellness Wheel with each dimension or “spoke” – physical, social, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and vocational – carrying a share of the load on your path to lifelong vitality.

This "Wellness Wheel" video describes - in under 2 minutes - how to draw your own wellness wheel.

Start by listing both deposits (things supporting wellbeing) or withdrawals (things diminishing wellbeing) that you’re habitually making in each dimension of health.

Now draw your personal wellness wheel with the size of each spoke representing how well, or poorly, it contributes to overall wellbeing.

Are you making lots of deposits into your intellectual wellbeing, but almost no deposits into physical wellbeing? Then your intellectual spoke would be large and your physical spoke would be very small.

As you continue the process in each dimension, most people come up with a pretty lopsided wheel or may find that they’re missing an entire spoke.

Once you realize which spokes aren’t carrying their share of the load, you can take steps to make more deposits where needed for a more balanced life.

Remember, even small choices made day after day can have a profound impact on your life. Check-in on your wellness wheel several times a year to consciously build and maintain a balanced life.

Feel free to share your wellness wheel with me at [email protected].

Visit Brilliant Aging for more tips to keep your wheel balanced!

This is "Check Your Wellness Wheel" by kay van norman on Vimeo, the home for high quality videos and the people who love them.

12/30/2022

Does your new year typically start with the ultimate healthy lifestyle transformation – something that often runs into the ditch within a few weeks?

What if you chose a different path this year - one that focuses instead on small daily choices?

Many people fear that a big event like severe injury or illness will derail their health.

But every day we make dozens of choices – what we eat, how much we move, how we interact with others.

These choices don’t seem very important to daily life in our 20’s and 30’, maybe even 40’s. However, when compounded over time, they establish a pathway – one that dramatically impacts health outcomes.

Take an inventory of your small daily choices.

Do you consciously choose what you eat in the morning, or just grab something by habit? Does that habit actively support well-being?

How much do you actually move throughout the day? Do you walk briskly to get your heart rate up? Do you deliberately reach, push, pull, bend, lift, carry, and in some way challenge your body to stay strong and mobile?

Overall do you choose a positive or negative outlook on life? Are you actively nurturing positive relationships with friends and family?

If our habits resulted in immediate feedback, i.e. after being sedentary for a week, we couldn’t get out of bed; we’d get the picture! But whether you can see it or not, your daily habits establish your path.

Embracing lifelong vitality isn’t a choice you make once a year in a big effort. You choose it over and over with your daily habits and outlook on life.

Is your path sending you in the right direction?

Visit Brilliant Aging for a Vitality Toolkit to help establish healthy habits: https://www.brilliantaging.com/ignite-personal-vitality

12/23/2022

Yearly holiday gatherings may reveal a loved one’s health challenges have rapidly progressed to a level requiring action.

What happens next can determine whether you move forward with connection, cooperation, and mutual support; or trigger conflict, anger, and resentment.

Here’s a few DOS and DON’T’s to help navigate this experience.

1. DO include the person in the discussion. A sure path to conflict is making decisions for someone without respecting their right to be fully involved.

2. DO gather as much information as possible about their daily life – both positive and negative.

3. DO stay focused on solutions. Generating a list of how they’re failing to manage things on their own will result in an angry demand to mind your own business or shame and despondence. Both are equally destructive.

4. DON’T blame it on age alone. Age is not a diagnosis so seek medical advice. Can physical therapy help? What support options exist in the area?

5. DO discuss how each family member envisions an optimal “care environment”?

Options ranging from a “safety bubble” to accepting risk in exchange for independence (called the dignity of risk) can set the stage for conflict. Your loved one’s desired culture is the key here.
6. DON’T regress into family roles that take the focus off solutions. This is not the time for a power struggle over who cares more or knows best.

7. DO understand quality of life values. Ask what values are most important to your loved one and frame discussions around how to support those values as much as possible by using adaptive strategies, assistance, and cooperation.

Visit Brilliant Aging for our free Aging and Family Resilience download: https://www.brilliantaging.com/ignite-personal-vitality