12/18/2025
I’ll preface this post series by saying that my mother is still physically alive and doing ok…
This series has come as inspiration after a conversation I had yesterday at my kids’ school + in the aftermath of some thoughts & reflections that I had on Thanksgiving.
One of our school’s office personnel sadly had her mother pass away recently- As the PTO President, I checked in to make sure the flowers & card that we got her were well received.
As I stood in her door, we exchanged a thoughtful moment, and she then asked me if my mother was still alive.
I’ve been asked this question many times before, especially when folks know that my mother has had years of chronic health issues- I typically answer with a simple “yes”, but I got flustered when she asked me.
In that moment that we shared yesterday, I knew she saw my heart and the way it has always grieved for my mother.
Grief can show up in a variety of ways & through many different circumstances.
My mom is physically alive, yes, but for me she has been shell of a human and a mother for as long as I can remember.
It is heartbreakingly painful when I interact with her, most of the time.
For me and my family, my mother lacks empathy, compassion, and love, and that has been hard to stomach especially when it comes to my children.
Her words are mostly empty & self-serving.
My children are noticing her lack and absence, some created as protection from me as their mother, but most of it of her own volition.
My heart hurts for those who lost a mother they shared a beautiful relationship with, like the woman who works in the school office.
For me, though, I’ve been grieving my mother for nearly 40 years, with her physically Earth-side, yet with a significant emotional void & lack.
I don’t know which is worse, honestly.
Stay tuned to see where the rest of this series takes me…
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