12/05/2023
β’ PREGNANCY AFTER A LOSS β’ ππ
There is no better way for me to describe it than with these images. They truly speak for themselves.
(If you have seen the movie "Insideout," you will know exactly what I'm talking about, and if you haven't, do yourself a favor and go and watch it.)
When I saw those 2 lines, I was SHOCKED, then I was sooo HAPPY!! (This is the miracle I never thought will happen to us...the medically "almost impossible" outcome) and then, minutes after this intoxicating happiness, a HUGE wave of fear and sadness shower me...something that happened uncontrollably...I cried of happiness and almost instantly I was crying out of sadness...such an overwhelming feeling... I cried for the baby that would never be, for the chapter I felt "needed to be close" feeling like I still was not ready for that, for having to talk to another baby, the guilt and the sensation of me abandoning the one that I lost. So many feelings and mix emotions that I could write about it for days...
The truth is, I thought I needed to choose between happiness and sadness, when in reality, I didn't... they both could and are coexisting together harmoniously. It took and is still taking a lot of inner work and self-kindness, but I'm walking the walk one day at the time. Somedays, one feels stronger than the other, and that's ok... I just try to honor them. They both belong, they both deserve space, and I don't need to choose. This is the story of this pregnancy... and that's ok... I love and respect this pregnancy the way it is.
Don't let anyone tell you how you should be feeling regarding your pregnancy journey, especially after a loss. Feel all the feelings with kindness, curiosity, compassion, and patience... you are not alone!