08/17/2026
My Lyme journey part 3:
This part was the hardest emotionally.
While it was a relief to actually get an answer, it was also terrifying and depressing. There’s also a different kind of energy when you’re searching for answers and you keep going and keep pushing to find them. Even when you’re scared and exhausted and in pain, you continue to push forward because that’s all there is to do. But once I found out what it was, I was angry, afraid … and then I crashed. I think my mind and body couldn’t handle trying to be strong anymore.
There is sooooo much information out there on Lyme, and so much of the “official” information stands in stark contrast to actual patient experience (for some, not for all - which makes it all the more confusing.) The actual experiences of people with Lyme range anywhere from “I took some doxy and was fine, but sometimes my joints still hurt and I always have brain fog” to people having seizures, heart complications, neurological complications, and being bedridden.
And to add to that, my soul dog Doodle died the next morning after I got my diagnosis. This added grief onto my already delicate balance of keeping my s**t together, and it tipped the scale.
That next month or so was a deep, dark pit for me. I haven’t felt depression like that since my miscarriages. It felt like it came from somewhere outside of me - like someone had crept up behind me and thrown a sopping wet heavy blanket over my soul, and I couldn’t find a way out. I also started having anxiety and panic attacks that were unlike any that I’d ever had before - and I am no stranger to anxiety.
The longer I was on the doxycycline, the worse my mental health became. This isn’t a common side effect, but it is a recorded one. A theory behind it is that as the antibiotic disrupts the gut microbiome, it influences brain chemistry and the ability to regulate your emotions. These symptoms are also connected to the Lyme infection itself.
I did finish out the month that I was prescribed, and there were some improvements in my joint pain and swelling. I decided I would do some herbal protocols to help with the lasting effects that I still had, which included severe nerve pain in my lower back, all the mental health issues, extreme fatigue.
So far I’ve been on herbals for about 8 weeks, and I have seen more improvements. I’m learning how to manage my dosages, because too high causes herx reactions, which is a sharp worsening of symptoms as the treatment kills off bacteria faster than your body can clear it. It is well documented in certain infections, especially those associated with spirochete bacteria. (I do find it interesting that I never herxed with doxy, only once I started on the herbals. But that’s a topic for another day.)
Just within the last few weeks, I’ve started to get more energy again and my depression has lifted. I cannot even begin to describe how incredible that feels after feeling so lost in the darkness. A very common sentiment in the Lyme community is that it makes you feel like a shell or a shadow of your former self, and I can’t think of a more accurate description.
That’s not to say that all my symptoms are gone - they aren’t. There are still things that I’m figuring out and I think that there will be for a long time - maybe forever. But I just keep focusing on the fact that I do feel so much better than I did last fall, and that I’m getting my spark, mental clarity, and motivation back.
I hope it continues. But if it doesn’t, I’ll fight my way back again. 💚
Pictures:
1 - me on a recent hike! 🥳
2 - some of my herbal bibles
3 - me out on a date night with my husband!
4 - a screenshot of an interview with Rob Thomas talking about his wife’s 14 year long battle with Lyme (read full article here: https://www.etonline.com/exclusive-rob-thomas-on-marisols-14-year-lyme-disease-battle-its-like-a-weird-alien-inhabited-my )