Rally For Rowan

06/19/2026

There has not been any real change in how Rowan is doing. He sleeps most of the time, barely eats, he is mainly thirsty.

We are tired. We barely leave Rowans side, laying here next to him. Sometimes he wakes and is present with us, most of the time if his eyes are open he is staring off in the distance.

He is here with us, but we miss him so much. Miss that bright smile, the big smooches, his karate chops.
The way he used to climb all over his dad, then sit up on his shoulders using his dad's head as a table to hold my phone or the tablet.

This is all too much to bare, I want to scream. I cant though, not yet, not until he has passed on to Heaven and is with all he family and friends waiting there for him.
Where he can run and play without his body holding him back. Where he wont hear me and be scared.

Thank you all for continuing to be here for our family during this time. Thank you all for your patience between updates, since nine of this is easy to talk about.
We are grateful to all of you for your support!

Links to all to Rowans pages! Thank you all so much for supporting and helping us during this difficult time!

06/14/2026

Watching bob with dad!

Please be patient with me on updates. Rowan has been comfortable, stable, but he can not walk, can not sit up, barely eats, mostly drinks.

I have to give him pain medicine every 3 hours to keep him comfortable.
Adding in the absolute heartache from watching my child fading right before my eyes.

I miss him so much, he is still here but he doesnt play, doesn't give kisses, rarely makes noise, he has smiled at me twice all week.

When he is awake he stares off into the distance, no emotion on his face. We suspect his vision is very poor, the swelling from the tumors have caused his eyes to swell and one stays crossed. He has a lump on the back of his head from the swelling.

I rarely leave his side. I am tired, we both are as we try to make sure Rowan has everything he needs and his comfortable.

Answering direct messages on here or my personal page is not really a priority. Please dont take that the wrong way! We are so grateful to everyone who checks in with us and everyone who loves our Rowan so much!

We are trying to soak up every moment we have left with him. Praying that when he does pass it happens painlessly and peacefully.

If you would like to help us during this time we have several links. One for go fund me, one for cash app, venmo. Thanks to you all we are able to keep our bills paid while we are home with him. And gives us time to grieve after he passes. We are so grateful to all of you! Especially for all of the prayers for Rowans continued comfort.

https://linktr.ee/RallyForRowan

06/11/2026

Where are you Rowan? What are you feeling? Are you scared? Do you feel how much we love you?

We want to hear you laugh, watch you play with your brothers, and cuddle with us.
You are right here, right next to us, but it feels like you are far away. You are right here, I can hug and kiss you, but I miss you.

This wasn't supposed to be real, it was all supposed to be a nightmare we could wake up from. How long will this last? How long do we have left? It hurts to see you like this, but every day we are so scared it will be the last.

There has been no significant change in how he is doing. He is comfortable, was a little more awake today. Sometimes he drinks sweet tea, water, or juice, snacks a little here and there.

Most of the time he sleeps, sometimes he opens his eyes to look at us, watch TV, or stare off like he is looking through everything around him.

We are watching over him around the clock, our sweet Rollie pollie deserved so much better than this. He is a warrior, bravest person I've ever known.

Im going to snuggle up with him and try to get a little sleep before his next dose of meds.

06/07/2026

He is still resting comfortably, he was awake for awhile watching cartoons and drank some tea.
He hasnt eaten anything substantial in 5 days, he does ask for a drink every now and then.

I gave him a bath yesterday, after I had to take some time alone to cry. He is so weak, his body limp. He still tried to splash the water with his hand. Small splishy splashes.
I sang to him all our bathtub songs, carefully washed him from head to toe, then let him relax, floating in the warm water. He has always loved baths, I like to think he enjoyed the water.

I try not to leave his side if I can avoid it. Giving him medicine every 4 hours, checking his heart rate, his breathing, and trying to stay ready for when his time comes.

We try to find ways to keep him entertained while in bed. Today I was able to get him to hold a paint marker so he could draw me something in my sketchbook. His dad held him and danced while I sung the hokey pokey for him and his brothers.

His hospice nurse said at her visit today that he doesnt seem like he is going to pass today. I asked her how long this phase could last before he does pass away. It could be weeks. It has been 5 days of him like this and every moment feels like an eternity.

Our hearts are broken watching him fade away like this. I wish I could trade places with him. I wish there had been a miracle. I keep telling myself that maybe there is a bigger reason for all of this that I cannot see right now.

I pray that he stays comfortable like this, I pray that when the time comes there will be no pain. Only peace.

06/06/2026

Rowan is comfortable, he has been sleeping most of the time. We had to increase his pain meds due to him crying out this heart wrenching cry every once in awhile.
Hospice visits everyday, I wish they could tell us how much longer he has but they cant. This could go on for days, a week, hopefully not more than that.

Being this close to the end, when I look at his sweet face it is like I am seeing him for the first time. Thinking of all the times I watched him sleep, I find myself wondering was I ever truly looking at him. I worry that maybe I didnt stare into his eyes as much as I should have. I hope that he knows that despite any mistakes I may have made during all this, I loved him. I love him with all my heart.

As much as we want so badly to keep our baby boy we dont want to continue seeing him like this. He can no longer sit up or support himself without help.
Sometimes when he is awake he will drink some water, he needs a lot of help and sometimes I give him his water with a mouth sponge so he doesnt choke.
He coughs a lot when he drinks.

We have been watching over him, taking turns holding him. We took him outside and sat with him on the swing fot some fresh air. I think he enjoyed it.

His dad has been reading him stories, I've sung to him all our favorite songs. We have been watching all his favorite movies, when we arent spongebob stays on as background noise.

There have been a few times where he has stopped breathing for awhile to then take a large loud breath in and go back to breathing steady. Apnea they called it. It scared us so bad the first time we saw it.

He doesnt seem bothered, he doesnt seem scared, or like he is in pain. All we want is peace and comfort for him during this time.

06/04/2026

This photo was took after we got home the day before yesterday. Cayde is feeling better, but Rowan has been getting progressively worse.
He did not look well when we were leaving the hospital, but by bedtime he was refusing food or anything to drink.

He has been sleeping almost non stop since then. He has thrown up twice. His heart rate has been irregular, there have been times where he has stopped breathing for short periods. 20 seconds of not breathing then taking a big loud inhale.

We have him on morphine to help keep him comfortable, he has been holding his head like it hurts and cries out sometimes.
He sometimes wakes up crying out, sometimes he wakes and just looks around the room. There was a little while last night where he gave me and his dad a few kisses before he went back to sleep.

How i have not been crying constantly is beyond me. Ive just been thinking, I dont want him to be scared and I can cry as much as I want after he has gone to heaven.

We don't have much longer with him, we are spending it giving him lots of cuddles, watching all his favorite movies, singing all of his favorite songs. He sleeps through most of it but he may be able to hear us still when he is so we want him as comfortable as possible.

I am going to share his links with you all individually. We are so grateful for all the help our community has given us through all of this.
Knowing that our bills are going to be paid and we arent at risk of losing out home while we are not working has been a huge weight off our shoulders.

Having this time with him has been the best gift we could have ever asked for.
I likely wont post much at least not again until it has happened. Thank you all so much for being with us during this difficult journey. Please pray for Rowans peace and comfory during this time.

https://gofund.me/6468ac46

https://cash.app/$RolliePollie0921

https://venmo.com/code?user_id=4253588574438759412&created=1761187459

06/02/2026

We had to stay another night in the hospital, Cayde's dad had to bring us a change of clothes. I took this while they were here, both of them mesmerized by spongebob on the TV.

Its so strange being in the hospital and it not be for Rowan. I gave him my phone then sat beside the bed and stared at him. Trying so hard to burn his image into my brain. His chubby cheeks, beautiful blue eyes, I keep thinking if I stare hard enough ill never forget what he looks like.

I know I have lots of pictures, taken videos of him playing, making his happy sounds, and laughing. It wont be the same, nothing will compare to looking directly at his sweet face. Feeling his warmth, his heart beating.
I don't know how to get through this.

The past two days he has visited I can see how much he has changed. Its so much harder for him to get around or even sit up on his own without help.

He still gave me kisses, he still smiled when I danced with him and sang to him. I helped take him to the car. The way he grabbed my hands to try and get be to get him back out of his car seat broke my heart.

What do I do with all the silence that comes after? Im so scared, this isnt a fear that I can hide from. There is no avoiding the truth right in front of my face. Ive started crying, so im going to try to hurry through the rest of this post.

We should be able to go home later today. Cayde has done great through the night, he hasnt had a single coughing fit and is sleeping peacefully. Last night was rough, he was coughing so hard at one point his oxygen was in the mid to low 80s. The way he cries, it takes all i have not to cry and focus on comforting him. Im so relieved he is doing better, I know he is too.

Today is dad's birthday!! We are going to celebrate once we get home! Let Rowan stuff himself with cake! Ill try to get some cute pictures!

Thank you to everyone who has continued to pray for our family! We are so grateful!

05/31/2026

Cayde is feeling much better, but his oxygen is in the low 90s. We will be staying in the hospital tonight, hopefully we will be going home tomorrow.
He was getting a breathing treatments every two hours, thats now been switched to every 4.

Cayde has struggled with his asthma for years, it especially gets worse when the seasons change. When the field across from our house is mowed it always causes a flare up.

This time was one of the worst ones we have seen. He woke up early this morning screaming and coughing. He was so scared, confused, and actually told us he needed to go to the hospital.

We didn't hesitate, got the kids ready and got him to the hospital.
His dad brought Rowan to visit with us, poor boy is looking pale and tired. He played with some Legos and gave me some big sloppy kisses! He was so mad when it was time to leave, but he had to go home to take his medicine.

Thank you all so much for all your prayers and support! I'll be honest with yall I am one tired mama! My heart feels like its being ripped apart in pieces, but im relieved that Cayde is feeling much better!

The entire time we have been here all he can talk about is how much he misses Rowan, that he is worried about him. Everyone he talks to he tells them how much he misses his little brother. One nurse he told her he wanted to go home to be with Rowan because he missed him and Rowan was his favorite little brother.

Its so sweet. Breaks my heart at the same time, we arent just losing a child but our 3 other boys are losing their little brother. It's an impossible situation, we have to try and be there for each other as best we can.

Ive never lost a loved one that I was close enough to that it effected me on such a deep level. How do I grieve while also helping my boys do the same? We are planning on doing family therapy to help us handle this as best as we possibly can.

05/31/2026

A little different from our usual posts, Rowans older brother Cayde has had to been airlifted to Nortons childrens hospital.

He has asthma and after a severe attack they are having a hard time getting him breathing all that well on his own.
He has been on oxygen and is now on continuous albuterol. He is being admitted, we don't know for how long, I suppose until he is breathing fine on his own.
This has me so on edge its not funny, being in this environment with him is unsettling.

Rowan has been having a harder time getting around. He hasn't been able to use his left leg like usual. He has been in good spirits, still ready to play, smiling, and giving us lots of kisses.

Im worried that while being here at the hospital with his brother I won't be there for Rowan if his time comes.
I wish I could clone myself and be in two places at once.
I know Rowan is in good hands with his dad, and we have an awesome support team! Still I cant help but worry.

I also would be worried sick if I weren't here with Cayde. He has been so scared, he needs me. I don't have much battery left so I better get off here!

Please keep both of our boys in your prayers please!

https://linktr.ee/RallyForRowan

05/28/2026

We took Rowan to the splash pad today for the first time since he was diagnosed with cancer back in 2024.

He had a blast!
We used to take him and his brothers to the splash pad every weekend before he got sick. He was too immune compromised before, that and he had a central line that couldn't get wet.

I wish things were different, that watching him play and get to be a kid meant he was better. It hurts more than words can convey.

Still he is having as much fun as possible. We are trying to keep things simple and just enjoy our time together to the fullest. Every day I wake to his big kisses on my cheek and hugs is a gift!

Hospice came today, Rowans heart rate was in the 140s but considering he was playing in his kiddie pool and running around the yard. He is doing so much better since he started taking a steroid to help the swelling in his brain.
When we were in the hospital we were worried he wouldn't make it home. We were told he might not make the weekend.

We not only got to take him home but he is still with us a week later. We are so grateful to have this time with him. We are painfully aware that it could end at anytime. Still we can say that we have loved him with all our hearts and have tried to fill his days with as much fun as possible!

Also you all have no idea how much it warms our hearts to know how much Rowan is loved! I have to give him my phone now before he gets any angrier at me! 😅