25/07/2023
I believe our wounds are sacred. Disease, disorder, things that end in -osis or -itis have sacred lessons to teach us. I believe much of our pain is both physiological and metaphysical. What I mean by that is that the biological interactions, genes, our environment and chemical processes certainly affect the way we feel and experience pain, but what also equally affects the pain we experience is unresolved trauma, beliefs and unfelt emotions.
I had this experience yesterday with endometriosis. I ate a food the night before that my body told me not to eat-but I did it anyway cause- EXPERIMENTING. (Vegan everything cashew cream cheese YUM) and the following morning I woke up with extremely intense, yet familiar fierce abdominal pain-my old friend endometriosis. I had also been recently feeling a lot of outdated rage, hatred and anger towards the masculine. The way I see it-my emotional body was talking to me through my physical body.
I’ve come to discover that within myself and the over-culture we are missing ritual. I knew this particular ritual around the masculine was needed for a long time.
When I asked my pain teacher 'What it was here to teach me?' It said ‘Forgiveness’. (I trust these first thoughts and words that pop into my head as wisdom). So I didn’t know exactly how the ritual would go, but I knew it had to be done. And that the pieces of it would fall into place and it would be exactly what was needed.
So I printed photos of uncles, brothers, nephews, fathers, lovers, exes, abusers, friends and mentors, all masculine. And I put them out in front of me. I made I playlist called forgiveness on Spotify, lit a candle and let myself weep. I wrote to them expressing my anger, I put a timer on for 2 hours-holding myself in a container and just let myself be allowing whatever wanted to come up to come up. I felt the rage and poison leave my womb space, a lightening happened. A release, a gentle trust being built.
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