29/01/2022
It’s a cozy Saturday morning in Los Angeles. An “ordinary” moment in our life filled with so much Divine peace, grace and love.
And I wanted to capture this moment where and I are doing Svadhyaya (Spiritual studies - forgive my lack of correct translation) after our meditation practice… because I have something on my heart.
Conscious Relationships.
How hard it is to do the work together AND how incredibly rewarding it is to grow through doing the work together.
This week I experienced some tough moments and my first instincts are to shut down and withdraw, making myself small and invisible (avoidance attachment style if you’re familiar) and Ricardo’s first instincts is to help and give advice from a place of love and balanced masculinity.
And when his reasonable advice comes, I witnessed myself acting through the patterns of pushing against that beautiful, strong masculinity and I see it as him correcting/teaching me and making me wrong for feeling the way I feel (this is through the filter of the father wound that I’m still healing through)…
My ego arises and the conversation turns into a disharmonious experience that feels sucky and yucky… until..
Until…
I watch my breath and make the conscious decision to take the courage, oh it takes soooo much courage for me to peel this hard mask of “I’m fine, I’ll be fine, I just want to be alone” away from my heart, and I share my fears and my aloneness and my hurts with him… Honestly, I’d rather climb a mountain than “expose” my heart in this way…and I’m terrified that my vulnerability will be a turn off for him…
Consciously (this is the workkkk) moving myself out of victim/defending mode, I ask him just to listen, to hold space for me without opinions or advice, to hold me and love me as I am in this moment…. Face cracking, tears flooding…
And he melts me into his arms.
Here we are on the other side of “the work” and we’ve elevated another loving step on our path as partners on this journey.
Encouragement, my friend, any relationship always starts with the work that we do within ourselves. It’s so hard, but so rewarding.
I love and appreciate you.