03/19/2020
Fifteen years ago today, I stood by this bench in a white dress, flowers in my hair, with my then husband's hand in mine, ready for forever.
While we are no longer married, the forever's I dreamt of, for the most part, are here in the appearance of our three kind and compassionate children. I keep some memories close and exhale the pain that highlighted the end of our days as a family under one roof.
I realize that spontaneity is one of the ways I express love: I'm always eager to jump, explore, roll the dice. A friend that has known me a very long time said: "you have always wanted the world, and then some." And, he's right. So today, I'm focused on the part of the world I was able to experience married, as a new mother, as a wife, coming of age with a family to call my own... and I'm grateful.
The end of a relationship doesn't mean the end of any memory that brought you joy, a sense of wonder, the moment where the sun sets, and you think, "will there ever be a better day...". Those days can and should stay, let them tickle your heart from time to time, and smile.
As we all isolate right now, it's natural to go down the rabbit hole of what if's and could-have-been with your last relationship; don't do that. Just stop.
Each time you catch yourself daydreaming of the past, take deep focused breaths and shift toward daydreaming of your future. Looking backward only results in traffic accidents.
You can be grateful and let it go at the same time when you deliberately focus through meditation and journaling on your most honest intentions for the future. Promise. xx
