10/01/2026
You must wonder sometimes why some people heal fast, while for others it takes years.
There can be different reasons.
For example, the wrong environment that keeps triggering the trauma associated with the illness. Or habits that set a person back or prevent them from moving forward with healing. Then there is your inner healing frequency - if your body and mind aren't aligned with healing, no pills, herbs, or protocols will truly work.
Finally, there is one major factor I want to bring to your attention today: secondary gain.
Secondary gain in illness is a comfortable, familiar, and convenient way for the subconscious mind to solve a specific problem.
Think about what happens when someone gets sick, whether it’s migraines, panic attacks, a bad cold, or even a sprained ankle.
Their entire reality shifts: Different people start surrounding them. Their daily emotions and mood change. Their work life, intimacy, priorities, and personal interests all adjust around the condition.
Everything in that person's world changes. And when an illness lasts for a while, they adapt to this new normal so deeply that they can no longer see any other way to live.
It’s just like staying in a toxic marriage where everyone tells you, "He drinks too much, he treats you badly, and he puts you down, leave!" Or staying at a job you hate when everyone says, "Just quit and do something else; there are so many opportunities out there!"
Yet, you stay. Not because you love it, but because you simply don't know how to leave. You’ve grown used to it. You think: "Yes, it’s painful, but I’ve learned how to survive here. I know the rules." We resist stepping outside because we don't know what's waiting on the other side, and we’re adapted to the misery we already know.
Over time, this creates hidden benefits that a person receives by keeping the problem, illness, or painful pattern alive. Consciously, you want to heal. But subconsciously, a part of you actually benefits from staying right where you are. Because that hidden payoff meets a deep underlying need, making real change feels terrifying.
-Avoiding responsibility.�Illness can become a reason to skip things you don't want to do, responsibilities you don't want to take on, or social events you don't want to attend.
-Getting care and attention.�Maybe being sick is the only time you actually allow other people to take care of you.
-Permission to rest.�Maybe you don't know how to simply say, “I'm tired. I need to stop.” But when you're sick, finally you are allowed to rest.
-Safety from something new.�It's like staying at a job you hate because at least you know what to expect and you have a steady paycheck.
And no, this doesn't mean that you're making your illness up or consciously choosing to stay sick.
Most of these processes are unconscious.
This is one of the things we look for in psychosomatic work identifying these blockages, recognizing the payoff, understanding why the same patterns keep repeating, and then finding healthier ways to meet those same core needs without needing to stay stuck in the old pattern.
If you want to check yourself you can sign up for 20 min complementary zoom call with me. 🫶🏻
https://tashadidonato.setmore.com?utm_source=in-app&utm_medium=iosapp&utm_campaign=settsharebp
