03/19/2026
Happy birthday to me! I've been looking back at my letters to Ethan lately, and this was last year's letter to him on my birthday. I feel about the same, maybe a little better, maybe a little worse lol, I still don't know how I feel at all sometimes. I've never shared my letters to him with anyone, so this is a first for everyone.
I still write to him, although not as often, mainly when I'm really upset or feeling extra down. He's like my little invisible therapist lol, and it often does really help, even if its for just a moment. He's still front and center on my mind daily, whether I want him to be or not. Grief is rough, confusing, painful, unpredictable....its all still incredibly difficult for me. I wish I was further along, wish I didn't cry anymore, but I no longer try to push myself too hard. I'm done trying to pretend that i'm ok when i'm not, its exhausting more than anything. Today I won't just "say" ill give myself grace, ill actually do it. I miss my son, I miss all of his love, and my only wish today would be as expected.....id wish to see my sweets again, and get a big birthday hug from him. Maybe he'll visit my dreams again, i sure hope so!! Thanks everyone!! ❤️ 🎂
