12/18/2025
MY HEALING JOURNEY
A Story of Healing, Initiation, and the Path Back to the Self
Before I ever stepped onto the path of initiation, my âordinary worldâ was anything but ordinaryâit was heavy.
My life lacked purpose, meaning, joy, and even basic zest for living. I didnât understand why the world felt so hard for me, like walking through sludge, or why I felt so cursed by my own patterns. Anxiety, depression, addictive behaviors, seasonal depression, emotional fogâthose were the words that made sense to me back then. I drifted through life suffering silently, surrounded by people who didnât honor my light or mirror back my potential. I numbed myself with drugs, alcohol, and constant movement, trying to fill a void that felt bottomless.
Deep down, I knew: This canât be it. This canât be what Iâm here for. And that quiet knowing became the seed of change.
THE CALL TO ADVENTURE
A major turning point came when I got marriedâand realized almost immediately that staying would mean losing myself completely. My life would have become an extension of my husbandâs, not an expression of my true self. Leaving that marriage opened the door to my soul searching. It forced me to ask:
If Iâm not living my life for him⌠then who am I living it for?
For the first time, I allowed myself to follow the quiet pull Iâd always felt toward energy work and meditation. Things my family never practiced, things my ex openly judgedâbut things my heart was undeniably drawn to.
So, I accepted an invitation to try Reiki.
For two weeks afterward, my life shifted in ways that were too alignedâtoo intentionalâto ignore.
Then a friend invited me to a full moon meditation. It felt strange, foreign, almost absurd⌠yet, I kept going back. Meditation led to classes. Various sessions of energy work led to studying sacred geometry. Kabbalah and hermetics began to interest me. A whole world opened upâone that asked me to study myself, not just my circumstances.
And at some point early on, I was offered a Life Activation.
That is when my path truly began.
MEETING MY MENTOR
My guide, Jordan Bain, became a pivotal force in my life. For a decade, he held up a mirror for meâthrough meditations, initiations, healings, Kabbalah, and countless sessions that challenged me to look at myself honestly.
Jordan created a safe, informed space for me to unravel old patterns, face my resistance, and learn how to take full responsibility for my life. He guided me through the journey not as someone above me, but as someone deeply committed to my growth. He initiated me, trained me, encouraged me, and asked me to rise.
He didnât fix my life for me. He taught me I needed to fix it myself.
TRIALS, TESTS, AND RESISTANCE
Stepping into this path was not easy for me.
I struggled with years of resistance. Everything about the lineage teachings was different from the world I grew up in, the beliefs I held, and the patterns I had lived for nearly 30 years.
I would catch myself thinking: This is so weird. What will people think? Why am I doing this?
Old habits and addictions tried to pull me back. Friends and family questioned me. I questioned myself.And underneath all of it was a deeper fear: What if I actually become responsible for my life? What if I canât blame anyone anymore for why my life isnât changing?
Meditation was hard at first because it brought every repressed emotion to the surfaceâyears of shame, guilt, confusion, and fear. I had lived my whole life hiding from myself. Now, this path was asking me to reveal everything.
It often felt worse before it felt better. But it was real. And it was helping me to finally heal.
TRANSFORMATION
For years, I would walk into sessions telling Jordan, âI feel crazy.â And I meant it.
But over timeâthrough healings, initiations, Kabbalah, rituals, meditationâI stopped saying that. I stopped feeling that.
I learned boundaries for the first time. I learned self-worth. I learned how to interact with life instead of hide from it.
Studying Universal Kabbalah accelerated my transformation in ways I didnât know were possible. The noise in my brain that I didnât know was there until it wasnât, disappeared. I could finally hear MYSELF think, not all the other programming was was running in the background.
Every healing unlocked another layer of truth and power. Every ritual brought me closer to myself. Every meditation softened the weight I carried in my body.
Every time I fell off the path, my life stagnated.
And every time I returned to the tools, I felt whole again.
Eventually, the signs became undeniable:
My finances changed.
My relationships shifted.
My behavior transformed.
My confidence grew.
My joy became real.
I began responding instead of reacting. Creating instead of collapsing. Living instead of surviving.
Iâll never forget Jordan once saying to me:âAt some point, youâre just going to have to prove to yourself that this stuff works.â
And that's exactly what I had to.
THE RETURN TO MY HIGHEST SELF
Today, I stand not as someone âdifferentâ from my clients, but as someone who has walked ahead along the same path. I know what itâs like to feel lost, ashamed, unworthy, or out of control. I know what itâs like to carry years of repressed emotion in a body that feels too heavy to hold.
But I also know what itâs like to reclaim power, purpose, joy, and direction.
The tools of this lineage changed my life.
And I get to help others do the same through Life Activations, healings, and teaching classes from the Mystery School Path.
I help clients:
- understand themselves
- activate their potential
- take responsibility for their lives
- heal deeply
- create new patterns
- and step into their purpose
I donât pretend the work is easy. But it can be simple. It begins with a choice.
A choice to stop running. A choice to look inward. A choice to take responsibility. A choice to heal. A choice to remember who you truly are underneath what everyone else thinks you should be
And once you feel what alignment is⌠you canât go back for too long.
The tools of this lineage gave me a life I never imagined was possible for me.
Now, itâs my honor to offer these same tools to othersâso they can claim the life that is meant for them. And that is the journey I walk with every client who steps through my door.
Not because Iâm different. But because Iâve been thereâand I know the way forward.
If any of this resonates with you and if youâre curious what a Life Activation could do for you, reach out for a complimentary consultation.
Healing is possible.
Living in Joy is possible.
Itâs just on the other side of a decision you havenât made yet.
Sincerely,
Monika
www.beyondfitness.life
