New Beginnings Women's Help Center

06/06/2026

Another reason why we keep choosing unsafe relationships is because of guilt within ourselves. If you find yourself apologizing all the time for things you are not even responsible for, then you are definitely on Guilt Street. Maybe you feel like you are not good enough just the way you are. This can cause one to choose relationships that seems to validate this internal view of self. This internal mind set needs to be identified and healed before choosing a relationship. There are others out there that will look for this and take advantage of you. The laws of attraction have much to do with the way in which we view ourselves. You will attract what you believe. So, take the next turn off of Guilt Street and find your true authentic self.

06/05/2026

I had to __________. When you finish this sentence based on someone else's actions, you may be acting out of powerlessness. For example, I had to lie because that is what I'm told to do. "The victim passively gives the reins of his life to someone else. And turning one's choice over to perpetrators is very unsafe." (Safe People by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend page 104). It's hard to believe that to not choose is to make a choice. When we start to ask ourselves, I chose to _____________, then base the answer on our own thoughts, we break powerlessness.

06/04/2026

06/03/2026

To rescue those that are hurtful can create a strong connection in relationships. When the hurtful person is in crisis, we step in and take care of them. This is another reason why we choose unsafe relationships. Who doesn't want to feel like the hero who saves someone, even if they are hurtful. "People who need rescuing are not taking responsibility for their life. And people who do not take responsibility for their life are not safe, even though they may be very nice." (Safe People by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend page 102). A safe relationship is one that helps both people to grow.

06/03/2026

Another reason why we can choose unsafe relationships, fear of confrontation. Could you stand up to other's criticism or telling you how to live your life? You may think this little old and frail woman is out of her mind for trying to confront such a dangerous bull. What if there was an invisible wall between you and that bull? "The problem with the inability to confront people is that non-confronters are the exact kind of people that hurtful people end up with." (Safe People by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend page 100) Non-confronters need to develop that invisible wall between themselves and others. "Having good boundaries, who are able to confront others clearly, and who resolve problems in their relationships." (page 100) will prevent relationships from taking advantage and being hurtful.

06/02/2026

When we put our hope in another person, who is hurtful, abusive, dishonest, or irresponsible, because we think, I can change this person. That type of hope will always disappoint. The real question to ask yourself is, Do I "have an old pattern of not facing grief and disappointments in many past relationships"(Safe People by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend page 97) If we just think that change will happen like pressing the channel button on the tv remote then we have hope in the wrong place. If we proceed with hope in the wrong person, we become defensive when others try to point out truth about someone we love. "Not facing reality is to stay stuck and to get more of the same in the future." This is one reason why we choose unsafe relationships.

05/30/2026

"Fear of abandonment fuels an ongoing isolating connection." (Safe People by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend page 96). The man is afraid he will be late for work and miss out on something important. This is like having a relationship in which you fear being alone, so you continue to run back over and over again. If we are in a relationship with an unsafe person, the fear of being alone overrides standing up to the other person because you are too filled with feelings of fear. So, there is a choosing to stay in relationship than having no relationship. In addressing what the root cause of fear and abandonment is within our own hearts, we can learn to run free towards safe relationships. The only person who can choose safe relationships are those that can take an honest look within instead of everyone else.

05/29/2026

The inability to judge character in others can be a reason for why we choose unsafe relationships. "Many times, when we are choosing important people in our lives, we do not think of character as the main factor. We look at how we feel, to whom we are attached, or what seems to pull us towards a certain person. Our choices are subjective." (Safe People by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend pg. 95) The key ingredients in choosing important people are reason and emotion. If we sway to only one of these then we have a harder time being able to judge someone's character. It is important to know what you value and need in your own life. Let that be the measuring tool instead of just emotions.

05/28/2026

"Contrary to what some people say, our walk with God isn't an unshakable path, which cannot be affected by others. Others matter a great deal in how safe we feel with the Lord." (Safe People by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend pg. 90). In 1 John 4:20 it states, "If anyone says, I love God, yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen." Unsafe people can taint our picture of God as being unsafe. First, we need to assess our spiritual life with God. Then we are wise to also assess our life in this world with others. Closeness can be severed by others, so it is important to have this perspective.

05/26/2026

Long time connections with people, according to research, can extend the life of the physical body. When this connection decreases or stops, the body can exhibit a long list of physical ailments like chronic headaches, GI upset, pain and lowered resistance to germs. Stress and emotions have a strong link in the body. If our relationships are distance, disconnected, and unsafe, we will begin to notice signs in our body. We need to ask ourselves, why is my body feeling this way? Is it related to a person, that I'm in relationship with? Not every connection to others is beneficial. However, when we are in safe and connected relationships it is beneficial for our health.