05/31/2026
This is my story…
I grew up in a family who was emotionally unavailable. A family that was there but not there emotionally. Something I had wanted growing up.
Because I never received this or knew it could exist, life for me was hard to a point I was always looking outside of myself for the answers. Where I truly belong, it caused severe mental health issues when I turned 14 years old and it lasted for over a decade. My relationship with others was based on people pleasing and loving others outside of myself.
I always said I never wanted my children to feel any of this. I wanted a family to be loved, emotionally available cared for. But little did I know that some of the cycles had continued from my childhood. I didn’t know it was a family generational struggle for emotionally unavailability and Trauma. I had already lost myself before having children. When I had my children I didn’t even recognize who I was anymore. All I knew was a woman who had her own family but what excites her, what made her happy, what did she wanted to do in life. All of it was a blink space. There was not emotions to any of it.
I started to feel numb to everything and just coasting by life for over decade. Which caused so many problems, then I could even talk about.
It was a real problem when I actually looked myself in the mirror and said what’s going on?
Why is life this way? Why do I feel empty? Why do I feel lost? Why do I feel is pain?
Those were my questions, there was a time I would just walk away from everything. My marriage, my children, my business I built, my life I thought was good but deep down wasn’t.
Until that one day that really changed everything, I had a pulled to talk out aloud to God & Universe about my deepest fears and desires of life. I was on my knees, tears running down my face asking in my shattered voice. I need help please show me a way out and forward. This is where my true life began through healing.
When I divided in it was only at source level healing I had did that for 2-3 years. Until I had a moment of weakness and clarity at the same time is where I started deep pulling at the roots of healing. I knew I couldn’t keep going how I was still going.
I was still emotionally unavailable even at the source level until I dig deeper in the roots that’s where my self worth was, my confidence, my love, my strength, emotionally available to myself and then others, how I wanted life to truly be.
I knew that was something else after digging deeper, my EGO man, no one else talks about the EGO it was running the show hard. In the last 2-3 years ago I had changed so much. I allowed the EGO to take over because I was in placed of available emotionally. EGO just took over in certain situations and areas. Until everything started crashing around me loosing everything. At the point it was because I was leading from a space that the EGO was in pain which led by my heart.
Picking up those pieces almost broke me then the first time of not being emotionally unavailable even though deeper roots were being dug up. But I didn’t plant New Seeds, those roots were gone, there were whole there.
Once I realized that nothing was growing life stop and made me look at how was I in alignment with my soul and connection of my higher self to assist. I had to leave certain relationships, conversations, and more. Then I asked myself do I just walk away from my business and start something different or go back to what I was doing before business.
That was my question, I then remembered my WHY.. I put a whole New Name.. A New Energy.. Behind the business cause it was more than what I was expecting and sharing from the beginning. Now teaching is where am at.
Just because your life looked and experienced differently doesn’t mean you should allow yourself to continue in pain and be emotionally unavailable.
Awakened Sacred Light
