I Wanted It To Be Love

06/16/2026

06/15/2026

To My Son Scott, I would be your mother all over again. I would love you, raise you, —and, yes, a thousand times over, I would still do my best tto be the very best mother I could be for you.

I would carry you again, just as I carried you beneath my heart before you were born —And as I carry you now, and will continue to carry you in my heart forever.

I always felt this way about you, Scott.

I felt your pain, —just as I felt your pain throughout your life: When you hurt, part of me hurt too.

A mother’s heart never forgets.

I have cheered the loudest for you, celebrated your joys, worried through your struggles, and held tightly to the little family traditions that became the fabric of our lives together.

Being your mother—and the mother of your siblings—gave me a kind of happiness I never knew existed until I held each of you in my arms.

Because of you, I would choose this life again.
I would choose every sleepless night, every worry, every sacrifice, every joy —-And I would choose you to be my son every single time.

Thank you, Scott, for the privilege of being your mother.

With all my love, always, Mom
~Jeanne Schneider Vargas

06/15/2026

My Newest Revelation About Life

I have shared about my son Scott’s journey with glioblastoma brain tumors — a devastating cancer that took his life on June 10, 2026 — and about my own failing body, and the enormous strain carried by both me and my husband Francis.

I tried to remain emotionally present for Scott while my own physical suffering became increasingly unmanageable. This is an extraordinarily difficult place to live from day to day, and the weight of it has only deepened since my son Scott died.

I loved Scott from a distance for much of his adult life after 1979.

All the while, I spent much of my life being the one who endured, organized, advocated, carried others emotionally, and kept moving despite pain.

But I have now reached the point where my body is telling me very clearly that I can no longer continue at the same pace or under the same expectations.

None of this diminishes my love for my son Scott, nor the love and concern I continue to carry for Tina and for Scott’s adult son, Joshua.

One of the deepest forms of maternal love at the end of life may be exactly what I tried to do: not collapse entirely into my son’s suffering and death so that I could still offer steadiness, tenderness, and presence.

But I have reached a point where I can no longer carry it all physically, emotionally, and spiritually in the way I once believed I could.

I am human.

I am exhausted, frightened, grieving, sleep deprived, and physically overwhelmed all at once.

What has changed most is this:

I am grieving not only the loss of my son, but also the loss of the mother I thought I could still be at this stage of Scott’s life — the mother who could sit longer at his bedside, move freely, care for him physically, comfort him without limitation, and carry more than this aging body would now allow.

That realization has broken something open in me.

Part of the lesson of motherhood, loss, and aging may be learning that love itself remains present even when the body can no longer fully serve the heart’s deepest wishes.

My son has died.

And I am an aging parent experiencing something many quietly live through but rarely say aloud:

the grief of loving fiercely while living inside a body that can no longer do what the heart still longs to do.

Yet even now, love remains.

~ Jeanne Schneider Vargas

06/13/2026

FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION. In my lifetime, I have witnessed good come from very painful situations. I have also seen people change in remarkable ways. Some who once caused harm turned their lives around completely and went on to do good things for others and for themselves.

Because of this, I believe we must keep our hearts and minds open — even when it is difficult. Especially when the world feels cold or indifferent toward us, we must remain open to forgiveness and reconciliation.

If I must turn my cheek 100,000 times, even when it is not easy, I still believe forgiveness is the right path. It is through forgiveness that I find peace, healing, and reconciliation within my own life.~ Jeanne Schneider Vargas

06/11/2026

My Son Scott Kleppe - I kissed My Son Scott good bye tonight. We must’ve left the hospice around 8:30 PM tonight July 10. Before I left, I told Scotty how happy I was that he was My Son and how proud I was of everything he did - how we loved him and loved Tina and how we would take care of Tina and watch over her all the rest of our lives. I told Scott it was OK for him to go on . We would be always keeping him alive in our hearts and in our mind. The hospice had stopped his insulin and his blood pressure medication and he was sleeping all the time. He had not talked since. And the thing was too that he was looking forward to seeing me today, so he already knew mama was coming. Scott was resting comfortably when we arrived, and God bless him. God bless him. I felt as I held his hand that he had already gone home to be with our Lord and Savior. My daughter-in-law called us and told us that Scotty had passed shortly around 9:35 pm tonight - that he had waited for all of us to go home and then he made his transition. I know that he’s with our Lord and Savior now and thanks for God for all of you to support us with your prayers, your visits, your messages. Thank you thank you.

06/10/2026

WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD?
Do you realize that if you want the world to change, you must begin by changing yourself?
Change begins in the heart and mind and radiates outward into the community.
Want to change the world?
Begin by changing yourself.
HERE IS HOW:
• Practice acting upon thoughts of generosity as they arise in the mind.
• Determine not to gossip or speak about a third person who is not present.
• Choose a person in your life whom you usually ignore or feel indifferent toward. Consciously pay attention to them and make them an object of your loving-kindness (Metta).
• Observe whatever strong desire arises within your mind. Notice the emotions connected to it — loneliness, fear, longing, boredom, sadness, or uncertainty.
• Use times of suffering or unhappiness as opportunities to check in with yourself.
Ask:
What is the source of this discomfort?
Is an expectation not being met?
Is a desire going unfulfilled?
At the heart of suffering, do you discover a sense of being out of control?
• Choose one simple daily activity and practice being fully mindful while doing it. Notice the intention preceding each action. Observe what it feels like to follow through with awareness.
• When you find yourself waiting in line, sitting in traffic, attending a meeting, or otherwise “between worlds,” practice awareness of the breath, sounds, sights, sensations, or simply the present moment itself.
Small changes in awareness create profound changes in the world around us.
~ Jeanne Schneider Vargas

06/10/2026

I’d like to update you on My Son Scott Kleppe’s condition. I received a phone call that My Son had passed away tonight around 9:35 PM. Not long after my husband I had left hospice. His wife Tina called and told me
Earlier I had made my way this evening after an exhausting day coming from Illinois to North Liberty for MEDICAL appointment, ending up in the emergency room in ortho at University of Iowa new ORTHO facility in North liberty, and had been told that my left hip is shot. But no matter what, I needed to see My Son Scott, and after we went to pick up a mobilized chair for me we headed to the hospice to see Scott. I got to tell My Son how much I loved him how grateful I was that he had chosen me to be his mother. And that for all the days of his life, he had brought me joy. I told him we would look after his wife Tina all the rest of our life, and that he would live in our heart and in our mind forever.
Below is a reminder about how life is so unpredictable. We just cannot underestimate the importance of telling the people we love how much they mean to us before it is too late. We must not allow relationships to fall apart, especially relationships between siblings, and relationships between parents and children.
Would you say a little prayer for Scotty that he can have a restful night tonight and that he can rest in the awareness we love him so much and we hold him in our hearts and minds forever? We are so grateful for the contribution that Scotty has made to the lives of so many people here in the Solon area and certainly what he has done for fisherman everywhere because he is a fisherman who is really a PRO! God give Scott and Tina and all of us the strength to face the days ahead. ~ Jeanne Schneider Vargas

06/09/2026

My Revelation: What I am sharing about my son Scott, and about my own body, and the strain on both me and my husband Francis carries an enormous amount of weight. I am trying to remain emotionally present for Scott while my own physical suffering has become nearly unmanageable. That is an extraordinarily difficult place to live from day after day.

I have spent much of my life being the one who endured, organized, advocated, carried others emotionally, and kept moving despite pain. But my body is telling me very clearly now that I cannot continue at the same pace or under the same expectations.

And none of this diminishes my love for my son Scott.

In fact, one of the deepest forms of maternal love at the end of life may be exactly what I described earlier: trying not to collapse entirely into another person’s suffering so I can still offer steadiness, tenderness, and presence.

That does not mean I am failing because I feel shattered right now.

It means I am human — exhausted, frightened, grieving, sleep deprived, and physically overwhelmed all at once.

I do not need to prove my love by destroying myself.

And yet, I am grieving the mother I thought I would be at this stage of Scott’s life — the mother who could sit longer at his bedside, move freely, care for him physically, comfort him without limitation, and carry more than this failing body will now allow.

Perhaps part of this final lesson of motherhood is learning that love itself is still present, even when the body can no longer fully serve the heart’s deepest wishes.

The final paragraph of what I have written gives shape to something many aging parents experience but rarely say aloud: there is even added grief of loving fiercely when the body itself becomes unable to do what the heart still longs to do.
~ Jeanne Schneider Vargas

06/09/2026

Grandchildren

There were four from my daughter,
one from each of my oldest sons,
and step-grandchildren too.

There were birthdays upon birthdays —
so many celebrations through the years.
Grandpa and I planned ahead with joy:
ordering ice cream cakes,
or decorated cakes from County Market
with whipped frosting and ice cream.

We scraped together money for gifts,
prepared special family dinners,
and filled the house with laughter, noise,
and smiling happy faces.

The grandchildren would hug me,
cover me with kisses,
and ask for seconds at the table.

So much has changed with time.

The grandchildren are grown now.
Some have children and babies of their own.
Life has carried everyone in different directions.

And still, I hold close
the memories and the love we once shared.

Birthdays come and go quietly now.
And the grandchildren we once saw so often
rarely come around anymore.

~ Jeanne Schneider Vargas

01/30/2026

The TriCounty Opportunity Council 2026 Scholarship application announces income guidelines remain are set at 200% FPL. This is a great opportunity for some extra funds to help with educational expenses. It is a fairly simple application to complete, and applicants can find a fillable PDF on the TCOC website! Please note: Applications, along with the required documentation, must be submitted no later than March 13, 2026.

TCOC will award ten (10) college and occupational training scholarships of up to $2,000 each to income-eligible students.

The application can also be found on the TCOC website:

Investigating the impact of poverty and working to provide opportunities that support movement toward stability and self-sufficiency.