01/05/2024
For a long time, I was angry.
But underneath that anger, it was more than that. I was hurting. I was mad at those around me, who felt to me like their only goal in life was to bring me crumbling down.
Those who I believed should care, didn't.
Those who I thought should be protective, weren't.
Those who I trusted, I felt betrayed by.
Those who surrounded me, I concluded, may not know what love is or how to love someone else.
Over time, I began to learn not everyone has the same intentions or heart that you do. It made me angrier... until it didn't.
Until I realised that this anger & hurt had consumed me for far too long, it was only then a mindset shift set in. It was up to me! The only person I could change... was me. The only person that could change the direction they were heading in... was me.
I had reached out for help in the past, but all along I was reaching out in the wrong direction. Took a long while to learn, but eventually you see clarity. Eventually you learn the reality is, that you cannot be healed or saved by the very people that broke you... when they too, are broken.
A turning point came when I was at the lowest I had ever been. It was now or never. I stopped getting angry & started exploring the past events that had led me to a place where I could no longer decipher the emotions that were buried underneath. I began healing & walking a new path, leaving those from the past, behind me. I turned the hurt into the power that would drive me forward. I envisioned how I wanted my future to be & set out goals to get there. I worked on myself. Asserting boundaries & firmly stood at the edge of the line, pushing back those who would dare try to cross it.
I had to save myself. I firmly believe now, that if we don't attempt to save ourselves, nothing ever changes. When I set out on my journey, I never expected to find people I could rely upon if ever in need... but eventually they came & I have come to learn who I can trust.
Sometimes, it takes walking away & going it alone to get to a better place. As uncomfortable & uncertain as it was, more often than not, you'll be glad you did when life begins to turn around in your favour.
It is not easy to do & the road is long that you will have to walk upon & there are times it is an uphill battle. It's not a straight-lined journey. But saving yourself is worth it, when you discover how capable you truly are & the strength you hold within.
Sometimes, all you have to do, is pull your hand back & become your own hero.
Madame K.
