06/20/2021
When I was really anxious, I felt like I was flighting a battle against myself, that I never could win. I felt anxious if I made plans or asked myself to do too many things. I felt anxious if I sat still. If I sat still I thought about things I should be doing, and if I kept busy I thought about how desperately I wanted to get home and lock the door behind me. Sound familiar?! 😥
I was a little OCD too if I’m honest. I came up with these lists of things I needed to accomplish, and if I didn’t get everything done - cleaning, errands, organizing etc. - I couldn’t start on my real work (my goals). Which essentially meant I never started on my goals.
And of course that was another source of anxiety - thinking about all the things I could be doing on a bigger scale, but that I wasn’t. If this all sounds crazy to you, it should cause it definitely felt crazy.
Was it all strict self-care that got me out of anxiety? Nope. Or was it all giving in and letting myself be? Ya, not that either.
If you’re operating on one end of the pendulum , or you’re swinging back and forth (like I was), I have a thought for you:
Focus less on your structure, or less on your freedom, and focus more on learning to identify the things in your life that make you feel genuinely lighter.
If you can start to understand things less in terms of work vs. play, and more in terms of high-frequency vs. low, or grounded-ness vs. chaos, you’ll start to align with the way you want to feel faster, and you can slowly leave the excessive regimen or the laziness behind, and step more into flow 🥰.