12/27/2025
Real kindness is just a byproduct of real love. With people pleasing, we practice going without to secure the attachment. This is a pattern of chronic self neglect, self abandonment or self rejection, which are trauma responses from core wounds - tells us, and it tells others, that we can be neglected, and that we are less than and that we will go without for the sake of approval and validation. This leads to unhealthy relationship dynamics in which we attract people who are more than happy to take advantage of these tendencies.
The underlying driver of people pleasing is security through validation, approval. Whereas in love we feel valuable and secure just being ourselves. The idea or feeling that we may not be valuable enough does not enter our minds. It’s simply inherent value, a product of feeling loved. This allows us to act authentically, which gives rise to real love in action, kindness.
