27/01/2022
Let go of control and be generous enough to give the gift of words, or silence, to those you are surrounded by.
I’d love to share something that became clear to me today in therapy. When I think back on who I was as a child, the main thing that pops into my head was hearing about how shy and quiet I was. It became my identity, how people viewed me and how I viewed myself. Being the youngest of three brothers, I felt like I could never measure up. I specifically remember my closest brother in age being the outgoing one…he was the entertainer, the one who always filled a room with laughter. I looked up to him all my life, hoping one day I could be just as likable as he was and not just “the shy one.”
Being shy quickly became my identity. It was the main block that held me back from participating in a lot of things…like sports, social events, clubs, etc. It haunted me into my adulthood, drowning me with anxiety about the way people perceived me. Will I be fun enough, talkative enough, entertaining enough? Will people feel awkward around me because I’m so quiet?
For a long time, I hated myself for being quiet. I couldn’t stand that side of myself. For not being able to speak up, and to use my voice and express my emotions. Instead, I kept them bundled up inside, buried so deep that I wouldn’t even be able to find them myself. It was engraved in me that I was shy, so I believed that was my destiny.
Fast forward to now, I’m quite the opposite. I’ve finally found my voice and OWNED who I am. Instead of giving myself the narrative that I will always be quiet and could never accomplish x, y, and z…I decided to re-write the script and start creating the woman I aspire to be (and she’s still a work in progress, but damn has come a long way).
But what I realized is that now that I’ve stepped into my power, I noticed that a part of me still lives in the fear of not being liked and not being enough…and rather then staying quiet, I fight to fill the empty space. Any chance I get, I try to cut through the silence because I don’t want to go back to being “the shy one.”
Continued in comments 👇🏻