Blue Jay Counselling

Blue Jay Counselling Counselling & Eye movement therapy
Helping individuals & couples move from survival patterns to secure connection. Trauma therapy & Adult attachment.

The Grey Area: The Adult Son or Daughter & Parent Dynamic - Post 8 of 10**A reminder that this series is not directed at...
17/06/2026

The Grey Area: The Adult Son or Daughter & Parent Dynamic - Post 8 of 10

**A reminder that this series is not directed at those who have experienced abuse, neglect or serious harm, or those who have genuinely tried everything and the other person will not come to the table.

Family roles often get missed in this conversation. Because so much of what plays out between grown children and their parents isn't really about the current moment, it's about the roles that formed decades ago and never got updated.

The responsible one who still carries everyone. The difficult one who still gets blamed first. The joker who still uses humour to avoid being taken seriously. The peacekeeper who still smooths everything over at their own expense.

These roles form for reasons. They serve the family system in some way. But when the people inside them grow and change, and don't get to bring that growth into the family relationship, the roles become a kind of trap. You show up as your full adult self and get treated as the fifteen year old version. That's disorienting and painful in a way that's hard to articulate.

For the parent - this is worth sitting with honestly. Do you know who your son or daughter is now? Not who they were. Who they are now. Their values, their perspective, their hard won wisdom. If you're still relating to a version of them that no longer exists, that's a gap worth closing by leading with curiosity.

For the adult son or daughter - you are allowed to show up differently. Even if the system resists it. And it's also likely that your parent may have changed as well, and staying curious with their updates and changes over their lifetime may be helpful information for you also.

Healthy family dynamics allow for change. And only those in the family can make that happen.

S.W.

The Grey Area: The Adult Son or Daughter & Parent Dynamic - Post 7 of 10**A reminder that this series is not directed at...
10/06/2026

The Grey Area: The Adult Son or Daughter & Parent Dynamic - Post 7 of 10

**A reminder that this series is not directed at those who have experienced abuse, neglect or serious harm, or those who have genuinely tried everything and the other person will not come to the table.

One of the most common dynamics I see on the parent side of this conversation is a parent who genuinely loves their son or daughter deeply, and still relates to them as though they are fifteen. Who believes they know their child better than anyone. Who offers opinions, makes decisions on their behalf, dismisses their perspective, or talks over them in the way that made sense when they were raising a child - but lands very differently when directed at an adult.

You raised them, you know them, and it's also not the whole picture any more.

Your son or daughter has continued to become someone in the years since they left your roof. They've had experiences you weren't part of, developed views you haven't heard, done work on themselves you may not know about. Assuming you know everything about who they are now - without curiosity, without asking, without leaving room for them to show you - closes a door that they may eventually stop knocking on.

The invitation here isn't to pretend the history doesn't exist. It's to be genuinely curious about who they are now, alongside everything you already know. That combination of history and curiosity is what makes a relationship between two adults possible.

Share your comments below!

S.W.

You're not doing these things on purpose... most of us aren't. But sometimes the things that erode connection in a relat...
07/06/2026

You're not doing these things on purpose... most of us aren't. But sometimes the things that erode connection in a relationship aren't the big moments, they're the small ones that build up over time without ever getting noticed.

At the heart of all three of these issues is the same thing. We all need to feel capable, wanted, heard and understood by the person closest to us. When that stops being the experience the connection fades over time and it's harder to come back from.

If you need support for your relationship connection message me to book a session.

S.W.

04/06/2026

You aren’t always going to agree or see things the same way as your partner. And you can still have a supportive and connected relationship (if those things aren’t dealbreakers or safety concerns).

When you can see that you’re both right from your own perspective, you can start becoming more curious and open minded about the differences.

Ask your partner to expand on their thoughts and beliefs more deeply so you can understand their ideas and way of seeing the situation.

Having respect for each other and what we each bring to the relationship is how we grow and learn together. How wonderful that we aren’t exactly the same in every way! 😉

S.W.

Most couples aren't fighting about what they think they're fighting about. The argument and those feelings are real, but...
04/06/2026

Most couples aren't fighting about what they think they're fighting about. The argument and those feelings are real, but the root of it is usually something deeper and more vulnerable.

I made a free quiz that helps you identify the pattern underneath the conflict and how you can start changing it. https://www.bluejaycounselling.au/relationship-patterns-quiz

S.W.

The Grey Area: The Adult Son or Daughter & Parent Dynamic - Post 6 of 10**A reminder that this series is not directed at...
03/06/2026

The Grey Area: The Adult Son or Daughter & Parent Dynamic - Post 6 of 10

**A reminder that this series is not directed at those who have experienced abuse, neglect or serious harm, or those who have genuinely tried everything and the other person will not come to the table.

One of the things I do in therapy is invite people to ask - what else could be true here? Not to dismiss their experience or excuses for the people who hurt them. But to make room for a fuller picture than the one we formed when we were children and had no other option.

Did your parent not care about you at all? Or did they care deeply and simply not have the tools to show it in the way you needed? Both of those experiences can feel identical from the inside. They are not the same thing - and the distinction matters.

Was the criticism about your worth as a person? Or was it coming from someone who was criticised relentlessly themselves and had never been shown another way to communicate? The impact on you was real either way. And understanding the source of it can start to change how you carry it.

Moving from the child's lens to the adult's lens doesn't mean abandoning what the child experienced. It means holding both - the feeling and the context - at the same time.

Share your experiences in the comments!

S.W.

31/05/2026

Love seeing the positive shifts that happen in people’s relationships. 🙌

S.W.

Knowing what your pattern is and being able to change it are two very different things.You can do all the reading, journ...
28/05/2026

Knowing what your pattern is and being able to change it are two very different things.

You can do all the reading, journalling, reflecting, and still find yourself reacting in the exact same ways because insight alone doesn’t always create change.

At a certain point, healing moves beyond logic and into the deeper emotional and nervous system patterns driving your reactions, relationships, and behaviours. That’s the level where real change starts to happen.

If you’re curious about your own relationship patterns, my free quiz is an easy place to begin. >>>> https://www.bluejaycounselling.au/relationship-patterns-quiz

S.W.

Address

Aberglasslyn, NSW

Opening Hours

Monday 9:30am - 5pm
Tuesday 9:30am - 5pm
Wednesday 5pm - 7pm
Thursday 9:30am - 5pm
Friday 9:30am - 5pm
Saturday 9am - 1pm

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+61447104720

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