Soul Centred Life

24/05/2026

21/05/2026

All couples can have drama and conflict.
But healthy couples know how to stop the spiral when it becomes harmful.

The Gottman's call these moments "repair attempts" — any action or statement that tries to de-escalate tension and bring the interaction back toward connection.

And here's the thing: it doesn't have to be profound. Research shows successful repair attempts include:

🤗"I need a hug right now."
🛑 "I'm getting overwhelmed. Can we pause for 20 minutes?"
😂 An inside joke that breaks the tension
🤍 "I love you, even right now."
✋ "This isn't coming out right. Let me start again."

Repair attempts often fail not because they're wrong — but because the other partner is too flooded to receive them.

The goal isn't to avoid conflict. It's to stay 'connected' even within it.

Think about what's a repair attempt that works in your relationship?

18/05/2026

How well do you actually know your partner's inner world?
What informs why they do what they do, react and respond how they will?

Gottman calls this your "Love Map" — the detailed mental map you hold of your partner's life: their fears, dreams, preferences, stresses, and hopes.

Couples who maintain rich Love Maps are better equipped to handle conflict, stress, and life transitions — because they feel genuinely known.

Here are five Love Map questions to ask each other tonight:

🗺️ What's something worrying you this week that you haven't mentioned?
🗺️ What do you most want for us in the next five years?
🗺️ Who in your life is draining you right now?
🗺️ What's something small that brings you unexpected joy?
🗺️ What does a perfect day off look like for you?

People change.
Our Love Maps need updating.

Make it a ritual, not a one-time check-in.

Save this for tonight's dinner conversation 🍽️

14/05/2026

How a conversation begins predicts how it will end — 96% of the time.

This is what The Gottman's research consistently shows.

If you open a difficult conversation with a "harsh startup" — blame, criticism, or contempt — the conversation is almost certainly going to go badly.

The gentle startup is a skill. It follows a simple structure:

1️⃣ I feel... (emotion, not accusation)
2️⃣ About a specific situation... (not "you always" or "you never")
3️⃣ I need... (a positive, concrete ask)

Comparison:

❌ "You never want to listen to me. Especially when you're always on your phone at dinner."

try this instead...

✅ "I feel we are disconnected and missing an opportunity to share our day when we have our phones with us at dinner. Could we try putting them away from the table tonight and chat?"

Same concern. Completely different outcome.

Save this as a reminder before your next hard conversation. I invite you to reflect on which part feels hardest for you?

07/05/2026

CONNECTION

The deepest form of connection isn't passion. It's shared meaning.

At the top of The Gottman's "Sound Relationship House" sits the level of Shared Meaning — the rituals, roles, goals, and symbols that make a relationship its own unique culture.

These include:
🕯️ Rituals of connection — Sunday mornings, how you greet each other, your annual trip, kiss goodbye, date nights
🌟 Shared life goals — what you're building together, your "why"
🎭 Roles and responsibilities — what each person brings, and how it's honoured
🏠 Symbols and stories — the things that mean something only to you two

Couples who consciously create shared meaning don't just survive difficult seasons — they know why they're doing it together. Intentionally.

A question for you and your partner: What is one ritual in your relationship that you treasure most?
✨ Answer together. You might surprise each other.

03/05/2026

Just leaving this here...

30/04/2026

If your partner says "look at that bird." You have a choice.

The Gottman's call small moments like this "bids for connection" — tiny invitations to engage, emotionally or conversationally. Research shows couples who stay together turn toward these bids an average of 86% of the time. Couples who divorce? About 33%.

Turning toward doesn't mean dropping everything. It might just look like:

👀 Looking up from your phone
🗣️ Responding with genuine curiosity
😂 Laughing at what your partner laughs at
🤝 Pausing to just say "yes, I see it too"

Essentially, being respectful and present with each other (which can be difficult when we are in the hustle of every day living).

The cumulative effect of these micro-moments builds what Gottman calls the "emotional bank account" — the reserve of goodwill that helps couples weather conflict.

Today's practice: Notice three moments when your partner bids for your attention. Turn toward each one. Be present.

❤️

28/04/2026

Saying Thank You 🙏😍🙏

The key is specificity and frequency. “Thanks for everything” is easy to say but easy to tune out. “I really appreciated how you stayed patient with me when I was stressed this morning” lands differently, it shows you’re paying attention. Over time, those small, concrete acknowledgments shape how your partner feels seen in the relationship.

It matters when you express it...
Immediate (close to the moment you noticed it)
Unprompted (not just in response to conflict or guilt)
Low-pressure (not expecting anything in return)..and how you express it:
Learn your partner’s preferred way of receiving appreciation. Some people value words; others respond more to actions, tone, or even public acknowledgment.

Regular appreciation acts as a buffer during conflict. When the relationship already has a steady stream of positive interactions, disagreements feel less like attacks and more like solvable problems.

If you want to make this habit stick, keep it simple:

🌼 Your challenge for this week: notice one thing a day and say it out loud 🌼

Don’t repeat the same compliment, change it up to keep it fresh
Include effort, not just outcomes (“I saw how hard you tried…”)

Source: The Gottman Institute

24/04/2026

🌼 CLINIC UPDATE - MORE IN PERSON AVAILABILITY 🌼

BIG NEWS for my Ashgrove people! 🎉

Wednesdays just got a whole lot better — soon I'm be at the Total Wellness, Ashgrove clinic on WEDNESDAYS as well as Mondays! 🙌

That means more availability, more flexibility, and more chances for you to find the in-person session time that suits you. Bookings are now open for Wednesdays from 20 May, so don't sleep on it — those spots will fill! 👀

Head to the link in bio to lock in your Wednesday (or Monday!) appointment. I look forward to seeing you there!

💛
Jen

PS. (How lovely is Sunset Room pictured here for my Wednesday ppl!)

23/04/2026

You may have heard of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in relation to couples therapy.. especially if you are struggling with managing conflict in your relationship.

The Four Horsemen are the relationship patterns most likely to predict disconnection — and every couple encounters them.

The Gottman's have identified four communication styles that, left unchecked, can erode intimacy:

🐴 Criticism — attacking your partner's character, not the behaviour
🐴 Contempt — eye-rolling, sarcasm, superiority
🐴 Defensiveness — meeting complaints with counter-complaints
🐴 Stonewalling — shutting down, going silent, withdrawal

The good news? Each horseman has an antidote.

✅ Criticism → Use "I" statements and gentle startups
✅ Contempt → Build a culture of appreciation & kindness
✅ Defensiveness → Take responsibility, even for a small part
✅ Stonewalling → Ask for a break, then return calm

Recognising which horseman shows up most in your relationship is the first step to changing it. We all do these in conflict at some time and usually have a 'go-to' which we have learned over time.
Which one do you notice most? Drop it in the comments 👇