06/12/2025
At this time of the year, a common therapy focus for the women I work with has been the issue of the cognitive load. 'Jimmy on relationships' offers a humorous take on the downsides of 'just give me a list' of what you need "help" with.....
So to the men we love in our life, what can you do instead?
1. Identify the tasks e.g., (gift buying, meal prep, cleaning, travel logistics) and collaborate with their partners proactively to find a fair distribution of physical and cognitive labour. Reflect on whether you have invertedly normalised traditional gender roles during this time of the year.
2. Avoid the "project manager" dynamic where the woman has to direct everything; this adds to her burden.
3. Ensure partners are serving each other, not just serving guests (e.g., if she cooks, he does dishes).
4. Ask about your partner's expectations for the holiday season and if there is anything she needs your support on.
5. Put strategies in place if you're a people pleaser, as taking on additional social commitments or offering to give support elsewhere, may negatively impact your partner and their capacity to cope with existing demands at this time.
6. Anticipate your partner's needs and actively express appreciation, so they feel valued.
7. Debrief on past festive seasons, to identify tension points and phrases that might de-escalate tensions.
8. Advocate for carving out 'our' family time over this busy season and suggest some options for relaxation
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