03/09/2026
So much wisdom in this page, one of my favourites π
What If Their Purpose Was Never Ours to Decide?
For most of my life, I asked what a horse could do for me. Carry me. Compete for me. Heal me. Even the gentlest, most "natural" methods I once believed in were still built around one question: how do I get this horse to do what I want?
I don't ask that question anymore. I ask a different one: what does this horse want, right now, on their own terms?
That shift changes everything. It means no bit, no bridle, no saddle. It means no treats used to shape behavior, and no pressure used to correct it, because both are still forms of control dressed up in kinder language. It means understanding that a horse who is captive and dependent on me can't truly "consent" to being ridden or trained, no matter how soft my hands are.
It means letting go of the idea that horses exist to heal us, compete for us, or perform for us at all. Horses aren't healers. They're not metaphors for our own growth. They're not blank pages for us to write our needs onto. They are sovereign beings with their own inner lives, and the most radical, most loving thing I can do is stop asking them to serve me and start asking how I can serve them instead.
This isn't a training method. It's not a better technique for getting compliance. It's a complete rethink of what the relationship is for. A track system instead of a stall. Bare feet instead of shoes. Forage and water always available. Presence without agenda. Guardianship instead of ownership.
The work isn't on the horse. It never was. The work is on us: our need for control, our loneliness, our attachment wounds, our culture's obsession with mastering everything wild. Horses don't need fixing. We do.
I know this asks a lot of anyone who loves horses the way most of us were taught to. I'm not asking you to feel guilty. I'm asking you to get curious. What would it look like to want nothing from them at all?
O
If these reflections resonate with you, they're explored more deeply in my book, Chosen, Not Obeyed: On Trust, Consent, and Autonomous Horsemanship. It's a journey into seeing horses not as problems to solve, but as individuals whose voices deserve to be heard. https://a.co/d/09GNEwxO