19/06/2026
This week I had the chance to share one of my favourite analogies about conflict and separation to a group of separating individuals and it really landed.
It goes like this….
We all know it takes two to tango.
No one is born knowing how to tango, and no one is at fault for that.
Some people were fortunate enough to have parents, caregivers, mentors, or life experiences that taught them the steps early. Others were not.
And even those who learned to tango well, cannot dance it alone.
Just like the tango, most of us were never explicitly taught how to build healthy relationships, navigate conflict, repair ruptures, communicate effectively, regulate emotions, or separate consciously when relationships end.
Yet these are all skills and capacities.
And skills and capacities can be learned.
With awareness, practice, patience, compassion, and consistency, we can all learn to tango better in our relationships.
But again, just like the tango, if you did not learn this in childhood, you will almost certainly misstep, trip and perhaps even fall.
No one gets this “right” all of the time.
And so the goal is less about perfection, and more about becoming aware of the steps we are dancing, so that when we find ourselves repeating unhelpful patterns or steps, we have the ability to choose a different step.
And whilst it does take two to dance the tango, the truth is that it only takes one to improve their skills and change the conflict dance.
This is the heart of how I support separating families and individuals through separation.
I support them to improve their relational tango as they transition through separation and build better foundations to thrive in the next chapter of their families’ lives.
