https://www.facebook.com/114894147875407/

Liberated After Dark, Golden Bay (2026)

06/06/2026

How do I know if I'm in a group or community that is striving towards my own liberation?

This is a question that isn't often asked a lot, we can be in a position when we seek out these types of structures that can be lacking in self esteem and worth.

Unfortunately, this is the very thing some of these congregations are able to sustain themselves because of.

The paradox is, some are extremely helpful in getting people back on their feet, however at the same time they can be the actual backbone that is holding the person up, rather than allowing them to strengthen their own..

It's normal that organizations desire to spread their message, gain traction and increase reach. It also isn't uncommon that eventually members will be required to give monetary assistance or even labour as a requirement of their membership.

Our internal system is the most trusted system that can allow us to decipher the intention and truth within these various communities. This is why it's often taught that denial, free thinking, questioning or doubt is seen as something that is needing to be healed..

Ultimately there's only one question that's ever needing to be asked..

Is this structure designed for me to free from from it?

Or is it the entire foundation my evolution is built on?

04/06/2026

The last time I felt good for no reason, I'd just watched a movie about freedom and liberation.

An ABBA song came on at the end, so I turned off the TV, put the song on, and danced around the house.

I didn't feel bad. I felt good. And it was for no reason.

And then I caught it. The very next thing I did was try to work out why, why do I feel this way? Why now.

Because I always need a reason. It's usually something external. Someone else. An achievement. A finish line. Not just because it feels good. Not just because it means nothing.

I used to think that came from my father; he was very business-minded... everything pointed to an outcome: gymnastics was about getting to the next level, swimming was about beating your personal best... it was always pointed at a goalpost.

But the conditioning isn't the part that stops me.

What stops me is where I went looking for the way out of it.

I did four weeks of Kundalini yoga teacher training, and at the end I refused to sit the exam, because I wasn't doing it for a certificate.

And in that state, I'd sing for no reason. I'd dance for no reason. It moved through me effortlessly.

Except Kundalini gave me the reason. The practice gave me the permission.

Because when I stripped it all away, every system, every structure, and tried to just dance, for no one, for nothing, because it felt good.

I couldn't.

I was one hundred percent convinced it was pointless. That unless it meant something, unless it benefited someone or something, I wasn't allowed to do it just for me. It wasn't possible.

And those parts of me that had joy sat gathering dust up on the shelf.

It went everywhere. Even intimacy became a conquest. A task to be performed. Something to get to the finish line of, and the finish line was theirs.

My friend loves puzzles. I never understood it. You get to the end, and then you tip the whole thing back into the box. What's the point?

I really struggled with that.

Turns out I'd been doing it for years. Anything that didn't get me somewhere, I tipped straight back in the box.

Including me.

02/06/2026

The twin flame framework didn't just give me a story. It gave me a purpose.

I was so deep in it I couldn't see it.

Every time he cancelled, every time something conveniently came up, every time I felt that sick feeling in my stomach that something wasn't right, I had an explanation ready.

Not his explanation. Mine.

Clear your energy. Do the work. Hold unconditional love. Be patient. Become the purest version of yourself so the connection can finally land.

Every gut feeling that said something is wrong was internally gaslit as a distortion to heal.

Every instinct that said leave got reframed as the ego resisting the connection.

Every cancellation, every disappearance, every moment I felt like I was going insane, the framework had an answer for it. And the answer was always the same.

Keep working on yourself.

I handed him a free pass to behave however he liked, and I just tweaked my mind to find how to make it okay.

Not because I was naive. Because I had built an entire identity around the belief that his behaviour was a mirror for my healing. Which meant the worse he treated me, the more spiritual work I had to do.

I wasn't in a relationship. I was in a loop.

And what was most confronting?

I knew. Somewhere underneath all of it, I always knew.

But knowing and leaving feel very different when leaving means admitting that the whole story was a story.

Sometimes the hardest part of letting go isn't losing them.

It's letting go of the version of yourself that needed it to be real.

01/06/2026

Here I was again. My entire foundation crumbling around me.

They talk about breakdown leading to breakthrough. But the process of it is extremely painful.

When I found spirituality I was desperately seeking answers. After recovering from a near death experience and the removal of cancer, it felt like my whole life was being questioned.

What was the point and the purpose of being here?

Why were these things happening to me?

It sent me down the path of what's known as seeking.
I lived and breathed information. Everything I could get my hands on. Books, YouTube videos, teachings, meditation recordings. It was a thirst within me I couldn't quench.

And I wanted an answer that can never truly be known.

Why.

That grand question hangs over the head of anyone who has been through loss, illness, the breakdown of everything they built. And when we can't answer it, when nothing makes sense, we start searching for a doctrine, a framework, or a higher power.

Because somewhere underneath all of that searching is a belief that if we don't have an answer for what happened to us, we aren't whole.

We aren't complete.

So I searched. I left family, friendships, career. The desperate need for answers overtook my entire life.

And then I found it. A lens I could place over every experience. A reason for every question. A framework that finally made sense of everything.

Yet deep down I still felt so lost.

So alone.

Because I couldn't hold myself to a structure that gave answers to questions that were never meant to be answered.

I had to allow myself to not know.

I had to let myself fall so deeply that none of the structures I'd put in place could hold me up anymore.

And what I found down there in the dark was me.

All of the parts I had been rejecting. All of the ways I had been pleading to be heard by myself.

I didn't need answers from somewhere outside of me.

I needed to listen within.

31/05/2026

Some of the most sophisticated cages I’ve ever seen were sold to me as healing.

Is this actually liberating me from my conditioning,
or is it making sure I can’t function without it?

You know the ones.

Endless certifications. Sacred schemes. Healing programs with no destination.

Different names. Same business model.

Because what these systems actually do.

They are designed to keep you in a loop.

Just enough relief to feel like it’s working.
Just enough community to feel like you belong.
Just enough progress to believe the next level will finally deliver what this one didn’t.

And then they create another access level.
And another.

A guide who genuinely wants you free will make themselves unnecessary over time.

A system invested in your money will make itself indispensable.

Daily check-ins. Morning and night transcripts.
Compulsory group reporting.

Hierarchy dressed up as healing.

They call it accountability.

I call it conditioning with better branding.

I’ve come across more than one of these structures in my lifetime.

Different names. Different aesthetics.

Different spiritual language draped over the same architecture.

Manifesting spaces. Gifting circles. Religious doctrines.

Same rod through different bodies.

And every single one of them preached the same thing.

That liberation was within reach.

Just as long as you keep paying.

30/05/2026

Equality within a relationship means both people take accountability and responsibility for their feelings and actions.. But what's typical?

Due to our learned experiences of what we believed relationships and love was, is that one person externalizes blame and the other internalizes blame.

In this dynamic, both are reconfirming their core beliefs that nothing is the fault of the externalizer, and everything is the fault of the internalizer..

These point to our core beliefs about ourselves whether we can hold ourselves or others accountable.

Which one are you?

29/05/2026

The glimpse is given to you.
The integration is yours to do.

28/05/2026

Everyone said resistance was something to heal.

It wasn't. It was my truth.

A few years ago I completed an intensive shamanic facilitator training. I did it for myself. Not to become anything. Just to understand the experiences I'd been having.

But somewhere inside the process, the identity crept in. The role. The label. The assumption that completing the training meant becoming the thing.

At the completion of the training, I felt doubt arising within me, yet when I expressed my concerns about not being sure I wanted to become a practitioner, the response was gentle but unmistakable.

You have to choose it.

Maybe you've never done a shamanic training, but you may resonate with how I felt in this moment. The moment your gut said no and someone you respected as a teacher, a mentor, a parent, told you that feeling was fear. That it was resistance.

That it was something inside you that needed healing or fixing rather than something inside you that was simply true.

We are so well trained to distrust ourselves. To hand our inner knowing to whoever holds the most authority in the room.

To call our truth a wound.

I had slowly convinced myself I was supposed to become something I wasn't. And every time my body pushed back, I was handed another reason to doubt it.

Until I stopped.

The day I stopped forcing myself into a costume that was never made for me I felt one thing.

Liberation.

Not because I had healed something.

Because I'd finally listened to the one person who mattered most.

Myself.

28/05/2026

The part you were taught to hide was never the enemy.
It was the most honest thing about you.

27/05/2026

The shadow isn't what you think it is.

For most of my life I believed I was evil.

Not metaphorically. Literally. I was raised inside a belief system that told me I was born a sinner, deserving of punishment. So at thirteen I turned Gothic and wore it like a confession. If this is what I am, I may as well look like it.
The shadow wasn't something I found in a therapy room or a journal prompt.

It found me in an operating theatre in 2020.

Thyroid cancer. Second surgery. And somewhere on that table I woke up I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't tell them I was conscious. I fought it.

And then in that drowning state something happened.

I stopped fighting.

And there was nothing.

Not darkness. Not fear. Just complete, total peace.
The void. The everything. The womb of it all.

That experience cracked something open. The nihilism came first, if everything is everything, what's the point of anything? Washing dishes. Paying bills. Being a body with a name.

Spiritually dressed nihilism is still nihilism.

And then came the next phase. I didn't crash into darkness, I floated out of my body entirely.

By the time I got to India I was completely unembodied. Living in the ethereal. Chasing the feeling of that void like it was somewhere waiting for me in an ashram. Left my family. Sought the grand and the mystical and the magnificent.

And in India, underneath all the seeking, while the foundation cracked beneath everything I thought I was supposed to become, I heard something.

Go home and be a mum.

Not a vision. Not a downloaded transmission. Just a quiet, unspectacular truth landing in my chest.

The most important thing I would ever have — I already had.

I didn't need to go anywhere.
I didn't need to become anyone.
I just needed to be here.

That's the shadow work nobody tells you about.

Not the dramatic excavation of your darkness. But the moment you stop performing your awakening and admit that the thing you were running toward was always right behind you.

Here. In the ordinary. In the mess. In the people who stayed.

The shadow wasn't my evil.

It was my humanness — the part I'd been too busy transcending to actually live.

Liberated After Dark

06/06/2026

04/06/2026

02/06/2026

01/06/2026

31/05/2026

30/05/2026

29/05/2026

28/05/2026

28/05/2026

27/05/2026

Address

Website

Alerts

Shortcuts

Share

Listing takedown request