30/05/2025
I've been in communion with my pubescent, early menstrual cycle years self recently - hence my collage image that reflects this time of life for me.
When I reflect back on my early experience of a menstrual cycle, I notice a sense of sadness that rises in me, I had such sever cramping pains that often had me curled up on the ground, it affected my day-to-day life, and it was something I just accepted as something normal and ‘what girls go through’, this experience fed my negative feelings and belief systems about females, the female body and my own body image which was already negatively affected by social systems, family dynamics, colonial culture, patriarchal conditioning etc etc. I entered my menstrual years believing females were cursed, that we were ‘weaker’ and less than, I was ashamed of my period, I rejected this aspect of my life experience, and I feel like this rejection had such huge negative effect to not only my relationship to myself and my body but to other relationships too, especially the opposite s*x. The physical pain and the mental and emotional effects I had, from really not understanding a single thing about living in a female body or what puberty was and how it would affect me and change my body. I also reflect on being put on a hormonal contraception to support better skincare at a young age, and yes it supported clearer skin but it had huge negative effects to my mental health, and for years I didn't understand that was the cause and I often put everything down to me being the problem or “girls are just this way” because I didn't have educated, informed female or male friendships or role models to guide me to think otherwise. It hurts to remember how much shame I held in my head, heart and body for being a female who bled. Deep shame and judgement. I feel let down by medical systems for every time I came to them for health support about my cycle and to not be really heard in my experience and to be so dismissed every single time. I wasn't taught good hygiene and how to care for my changing body in school or at home, I hated my period odor another really big shadow that contributed to disliking and rejecting having a period and being in a female body, only to find out in later life that the odor has more to do with the type of menstrual product being used than the period blood itself.
I know that there are literally thousands of women who can relate to this and have their own stories. There's so much we just weren't educated on, and so for many mums and parents out there this can be hard to pass on good helpful knowledge to their young girls, and that's where I can offer some support.
My biggest reflection and awareness of my negative experiences (and there's positive experiences too that I have reflected on, that took a bit longer to release) is knowing how important this work I do really is and how much this work is needed in our homes, in our communities, in our world. Now that I know better, I feel like there is a deep sense of responsibility and duty to do better in my own life and linage line but to community as well to ensure I pass on this wisdom and knowledge I have gained to better support early pubescent girls of all the things I wish I had known and all the things I know will support them to feel prepared and well informed moving into their own menstrual journey. And what I think is so beautiful is that the mothers who join my pr***en period prepared workshops are also learning new things about their female bodies, their menstrual cycle and periods too.
This is my passion, this is my why, this is what matters
***engirls
