18/10/2026
This image will make sense in a minute. Some things I’ve learnt so far in this. I’ve let this experience change my understanding of myself. I’ve had to become ok with stillness, doing very little and sometimes nothing. In that space I’ve been noticing what holds meaning in my life, feeling gratitude for small, forgotten things and appreciating the people who have turned up for me. There have been times when I’ve felt so human that I’ve lost that familiar sense of my spiritual self. I’m contemplating whether my spirituality can make room for those times too. For the moments when all I can feel is my humanity.
Suffering belongs to the human experience. I’ve realised that immediately trying to remove or reframe it can prevent me from witnessing it fully. There is room to seek relief and stay present to what hurts without rushing towards a lesson or a positive outcome.
People often want to bring us towards that positive outcome, with the best of intentions. I understand that drive too. But when life is hard sometimes we need someone who can sit beside us and allow it to be hard. Someone who can hear us without needing to find the brighter side just yet.
I’ve also found myself looking at my altar today with a sense of awe. First time Ive been able to get into my room on wheels. I think id also been avoiding it. And I noticed this (hence pics).
Before the accident while walking on the beach with a beautiful friend, I found a piece of coral that reminded me of a knuckle or a joint. I brought it home and placed it on my altar and put a blue candle on it. I never lit it.
On the left sits an earthy egg in the place I associate with the past. In the middle my present I had layered shells one upon another. On the right in the future stands an egg my granddaughter painted with a flower. Behind them is my Lemurian crystal.
Looking at it now the coral brings my attention to my body, its structure and vulnerability. The layered shells speak to me of support, protection and healing over time. The unlit blue candle holds a sense of stillness and of something waiting. The flowering egg offers an image of life continuing to unfold. And the Lemurian crystal connects the arrangement with my sense of ancient memory and my soul’s journey.
I feel a relief in recognising something of my experience there, meaning, in an arrangement I made before I knew what was a few short days ahead.
Through all of this I’ve been learning a willingness to encounter every part of the experience of stillness, dependence, gratitude, disconnection, love and suffering. I’ve seen where some of my convictions were soooo staunch and where I needed to soften them for my health and wellbeing.
Eventually I surrendered. Surrendering allowed every aspect of what was……to be.
