05/10/2026
Two things can be true.
You can love your parents & still set healthy boundaries.
This is a subject that has come up a lot lately with mothers I work with, so I wanted to share my stuff..
Several years ago, when I was in the pits of major burnout and doing A LOT of therapy, I ended up energetically cutting ties with my rents. Not forever or physically, but there was a point where I couldn't work on my stuff if I was still worrying about their stuff too.
I'm the classic oldest daughter. Unintentionally parentified. I worried about my own parents a lot more than a kid should have. Eventually when I became a parent too and my own kid was diagnosed with a lifelong medical condition, carrying it all became a bit of a detriment to my wellbeing and to our relationship.
I love my parents and they are a breathe of fresh air for anyone that meets them, but it doesn't mean that I don't have stuff with them to work on and thankfully these days, we're all kind of in this evolution together.
It was not easy, quick or simple, but over the past few years we have began to establish healthy boundaries that go both ways.
With the help of people like Kirryn Lee | Diaries of a Later in Life Le***an & Trin Tambo Therapy Family & Business Constellation Facilitator, I was able to energetically hand back the role of parent to my parents, a role that I had unintentionally acquired and held onto until thirty.
It was fu***ng awkward at first, because the people pleasing and golden child in me held me back from making anyone uncomfortable.
Then I got the hang of it, overcorrected too quick and too hard, unwittingly hurting some big feelings along the way, including my own and not just within my own family either. Then slowly but surely I've figured out how to establish, set and hold healthy boundaries with my parents and now others too.
For too long, I thought to love someone was to over-provide, to over-compensate and to give give give. But as I've learnt with my husband in our relationship and then with my kids, it's more about the ability to give and take equitably. To communicate our needs and negotiate where needed.
I don't hold my parents liable anymore but I do hold healthy boundaries with them!