09/10/2026
I have witnessed, forms of controlling, Coercive, deceitful behaviours, by professional community services women, educated women, against their client. Simultaneously, I too, was being silently controlled, misrepresented, lied about and all recorded within various government funded agencies departments and NDIS funded records written by the NDIS service providers. I have experienced and witnessed systemic abuse, is it a coincidence that the 'report writers' of inaccurate, defamatory, denigrating and devastating harmful records and reports are women? Is it a coincidence, that the funding pool is biased toward supporting women, in these situations that often arrive at court without first attempting relationship counselling? In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, let’s talk about WOMEN for once.
💜
Some women can be silently & covertly abusive in ways that don’t always look abusive from the outside:
• Constant criticism, belittling, or making him feel like he can never do anything right
• Demeaning his masculinity or making him feel inadequate as a husband or father - saying things like “you’re not a man”.
• Threatening to use the children against him or keep him from them.
• Smearing him to family and friends while portraying herself as the victim
• Refusing to contribute financially while knowingly making him carry the burden
• Rarely if ever apologizing while constantly blaming him
• Denying, minimizing, or rewriting his experience until he questions his own reality
• Refusing to acknowledge her role in the dysfunction
• Weaponizing couples therapy or using what he shares against him later
• Withholding affection, intimacy, or s*x as punishment or control
• Using faith and God to shame, manipulate, or claim moral superiority
• Weaponizing his mental health and diagnoses to discredit him
• Developing inappropriate relationships with other men while minimizing the betrayal
• Hitting, slapping, pushing, or putting her hands on him
• Hiding money, purchases, debts, or accounts
• Repeatedly provoking and destabilizing him, then using his eventual reaction as proof that HE is the abusive one.
Men…your anger may be highlighted while everything that led to it is ignored.
I SEE YOU.
I see the man who has been criticized, controlled, belittled, isolated, manipulated, financially overwhelmed, emotionally worn down, and pushed to his breaking point.
Your reaction still matters. You are responsible for what you do with your anger.
But your anger does not automatically tell the whole story.
Sometimes we need to ask more than, “Why did he snap?”
We need to ask, “What was happening to him for years before he did?”
Men, if you’re in a relationship like this, please protect yourself. You deserve to be heard, too. 💜
**please do not invalidate men by commenting on this post about women enduring this/domestic violence. This post is dedicated to the men who silently suffer**
